journey of my life

Dream

2012-02-12T12:00:00.001+08:00

Every single moment of you and me crossed into my mind,

It as if just happened yesterday night,

It as if the world just belong to you and me.

The very next day when I woke up,

It just a dream that I will never forget,

I slap myself,

I pinch myself,

I looked into the mirror and told myself it was just a dream,

I should wake up from the dreamland,

I told myself the dream will not comes true instead of hoping it will comes true,

I should go on with life without thinking for the dreams again,

One day if the dream does happened or comes true,

I may not be needed it again.

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Success

2012-02-10T09:23:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I was chatting wit a fren in watsapp and we were talked bout career or I allow me to use the word "success".

What actually determine "success" of a person? From my point of view, the success of every individual are vary from one to another.

He were teasing me bout a guy owned BMW who is interested to me, but he is not my cup of tea. Well, so what if he driving BMW... he is much older than me, in fact I don mind his age. But who knows after 5years I owned 1 too. I wont interested to him just because he driving BMW, but of cox I wont interested to a guy driving kancil as well. Well, as I said no one is going to know what happen tomoro.

The old me is back. The mentality and desire to fight for my career or success is back. In fact, that is who I am in few years back.

Yesterday night my fren just told me believed I can do it then I will do it.

Believed my capability and ability to do it. I believed this will drive me to my success, to get what I desired, it just the matter of time and of cox a lot efforts and hardwork as well.

Tomorrow is always the better day.

21 December 2012

2012-02-10T09:17:00.003+08:00

This morning while having my breakfast I was searching bout 21 December 2012 updates and news. All this while I was believe 21 December 2012 may be truth. If it just a nonsense it wont be having so much updates and news bout it and also as we can seen there are many signs that shows it is true.

While I was reading that news or updates bout it, I was asking myself if it is true what is the things I want did the most before end of the world?

"................................"

My mind suddenly blank, I really got no idea what I want to do or can do. Go to nice restaurant or go travel, is that really mean anything???

The only thing I could hope is I can be with my frens and family till the last moment and hoping it will not be too suffering.

2012-02-09T13:55:00.004+08:00

Everyone has their own position or level in this society and a role in the family this is what I would said. People should know what is their strengths and weaknesses, what they have and what they lack of.

The strengths and what they have leads them to higher confidence level. Whereas their weaknesses and what they lack of will causes to have low self esteem.

It is important to know where is the level of oneself or else it will ends up like a fool by having weaknesses and lack of something but with high confidence level which what we used to said over confidence or over self estimate. Well, this will be not so bad if only the attitude of the person make people felt so without taking any actions. Or else it really seems like a joke for me.

Its okay for a person to have weaknesses as no one is perfect as long as not doing something that make people felt you are too much. In chinese there is a quote "don't have such a big head but wearing such a big hat", in short it looks funny for others and as a joke.

I always remind myself what do I have, I asked myself what do I want? In order to get that what do I need. The main point is "what do I need or required in order to get what I want". I always believed this world or society is realistic. There is no fairy tales in my world even though I always wish fairy tales would happen to me. But as I said in previous post, its better to be awake rather than in wonderland. I am really afraid or phobia when I live in wonderland happily when I wake up the next day it just a dream and ends up with tears again.

What I seen and happened to me this few months its enough to let me know no matter how good is a person, whether is your bf/gf or your frens it may changed anytime to any scope that out of your expectation.

Sometimes I really enough with things happened around me even though it does make me a better today compared with last few months. Negative things that happened once and once again. I'm really exhausted with it even though mentally I can accept it. Luckily I am not to the extent that I need to consult a psychology. Last few months when the starting of all the problems, that point of time I really thought of go consult a psychology. But now I can handle and face it, it shows that I'm grow up to be a stronger and better person.

Sometimes when listening to some emo songs, I closed my eyes and feel it, the feeling of pain for everything that happened to me last few months is still there although it is not as pain as before. Perhaps that is the scar that needed time to faded it, to heal it. After going through all this shits in this few months, finally I knew the importance of time in healing. Comparing with things happened to me last few years or last time, its really small matter. I believed after few years when I read back my blog what happen this few months will be a small matter for me as well.

Life

2012-02-09T09:01:00.002+08:00

Things that happened in life always beyond your expectation. Sometimes it really make me felt speechless....

When knowing the things that doesn't make sense happened, its seriously makes me speechless. One day when you finding out the truth is actually not the truth, once again it makes me speechless.

The truth is always cruel. But most of the humans being are funny creatures that choosing to know the truth instead of staying in the wonderland.The truth may be pain, it as if a big slap to your face and wake you up. But at least you are awake.

What comes around actually goes around. I learned something is that don't bother how peoples actually treated you because it will goes around. I believed god is very fair and knows everything. It just the matter of time when it "goes around".

We don't have to said it, ppls around there are not blind they can actually seen it what is happening. The more you said it the more you make your self like a bitch, this is what I've learned in this few months.

Met the wrong one, or I can said the "failure" isn't matter. Without the wrong one we may not know who is the right one.

Peoples are just love to tell lies. I would said 99% of the people will tell lies. Who don't??? It just the matter how much lies you tell, who you tells to and how great is the impact of the lies.

Sometimes we actually don't have to find out the truth ourselves, cox sooner or later it will revealed. Unless the person who did it is the only person knowing the truth. As I said many years before, I read a quote stated by Dr. M if I'm not mistaken. "Telling a lie for thousands time it will become the truth" which provided you are not telling anyone the truth then the lies will eventually become the truth.

At certain of time you may think the truth behinds the lies isn't important anymore. If one day the truth revealed its actually not important. It may seems like a justification to something else.

What I would said that is life. Take it as a challenge. It may be painful or hurtful. But it makes you grow. No pain no gain. When you gained you will think it is worth to go through the pain.

Cheers~!!!

SOMETIMES

2012-02-03T09:17:00.002+08:00

Sometimes when I talked to my brother and he told me bout he is going to badminton n etc stuff I may asked him bout "him". Sometimes it just a simple answer or normal stuff bout him somehow it affected my mood.

Sometimes I am thinking why the hell is he still joining my brother play badminton? If he is not joining the gang it would totally no linkages with him anymore. I wouldn't able to know whether he is dead or alive. I don't wanna know bout it.

Sometimes I asked myself, in fact many people asked me same ques. After so many months why I still cant let go?

Sometimes I asked myself what is the reasons that I cant let go? The answered is not bcox I want him back. The answered I gave to myself is because it was deeply hurt to me. The wound is too deep till it hardly heal.

Sometimes I asked myself what can I do in order for me to let go? Live life fullest? Yes... I did that for past few months till I am so tired and don even have enough time to rest and sleep.

Sometimes I asked myself when Im feeling nothing is it because I am letting go or I am cheating myself? This question I still dunno the answer yet.

Sometimes I asked myself when I interested to someone, am I really interested? what if I get the person only I found out my heart still got "him". Will I be suffer?

Sometimes all this questions its really mess up my life.

Sometimes I think life is sucks.

Sometimes I think life is great, life is fantastic.

Sometimes I just hope tomorrow will be end of the day.

~~Cheers~~

TIME

2012-02-02T09:09:00.002+08:00

Yeahooooo..... This weekend going to Singapore Universal Studio for holiday, Finally I am going somewhere after so many things unhappy stuff happened in the past few months. Its time to make myself more and more happy.

I been waiting to go universal studio for so long.... Finally it comes true. Really cant wait for it. *excited*

Yesterday me and Yaw went to Ivan's kopitiam for late lunch. I really miss the fish fillet wat tan hor there. The guy so nice he clean up his stuff and yet still cooked for me. Hahahaha.... Saw ah choon yam cha there also but just like normal said Hi to him. Im glad still can chit chat wit Ivan cox he is a nice guy.

I wasn't sad after been there. But this few months, especially this few weeks when my bz life started to slow down I noticed I still haven't let go.

Some of my frens asked me already so many months why I still cant let go. But some know me very well that I am not a person easily let go a relationship when its gone. Even to the guys I like last time also goes the same. Time is the best medicine to cure it.

~Cheers~

Self challenge

2012-01-19T13:15:00.003+08:00

Yesterday night I was yam cha with a fren who is very active in sports. He asked me whether Im sure or not to go for 10km for my 1st marathon. He encourage me to go for the 5km 1st then the next one aim for 10km.

I do consider my capability in running 10km with my current stamina.... I would said it impossible. But there is still bout 2more months to go to train my stamina. I will try and do my best to train.

This morning I was still hesitate to think should I aim 5km or 10km, till someone told me I should aim high so I will work harder to achieve it. He got the same mindset as me in terms of this. Set a high target and work hard to achieve it. 5km I think I would easily achieve it, by the time I will see my capability whether able to make it for 10km or not. But meanwhile I will train myself as if I am running for 10km.

I want to challenge myself to build stamina and of cox my 2nd phase transformation. I believe if I train myself for the 10km run, after 2months my transformation will be successful.

Training

2012-01-17T13:45:00.003+08:00

My manager asked me whether want to go pangkor for leadership training. I am interested with the training course, but the trainer is a malay which make me less interested. Plus I still couldn't overcome myself yet to go cox I went there with him before.

I think I will choose to go Singapore for that weekend instead of Pangkor. I don't want to make myself unhappy. I thought of challenge myself go to Pangkor to overcome it. But things really cannot be force. Its not the right time yet to go Wait till the day I confirm and 100% fully let go perhaps I may go.

My psychology so confusing..... My heart feel like pak toh but don't know I am afraid of getting hurt. I want my love to be great, but I seems like no confidence to be in relationship. Gosh~!!!

I am training and asking myself to focus on others. I want go for 10km marathon so much to challenge myself. Get a new focus for myself instead of being the same old me. I want be happy. TRULY happy. Meanwhile. try to hypnosis myself to be happy 1st, another way of cheating myself to be happy which I don realised it.

Life still need to go on and moving forward. No point hanging there for someone who is worthless.

3 Years

2012-01-17T09:23:00.002+08:00

This morning when I woke up I saw someone posted 18 January. I almost forgot what is the date lately till I see the post, I look at my phone. Today is 17 January. It just remind me I knew him for 3years. Tomorrow is Rae's bday, 3years back I knew him on the nite of 17th.

I am happy that I doesn't put in my heart the date we knew each other till I saw someone's post in fb reminds me. Another 1 more month will be our anniversary. I doubt he totally forgot bout the date.

This morning I was watsapp with Joe, talk bout time to pak toh.... Lesser time for the bf/gf perhaps is a good thing so will love each other more. But another point of view that doesn't really make sense. The partner have lesser time for them, they could hang out more with frens. The higher chances of falling in love with opposite sex. Being together more doesn't mean a bad thing, for me just an excuse. Is that mean they don have to get married? More time knowing and care each other isn't that will also love each other more?

Yesterday night I suddenly have the feeling feel like pak toh. Is it because I want to pak toh so I pak toh or I just need someone to accompany me because Im lonely so I pak toh? Or both??? I really don't know.

Last few days I just noticed, in this few years he doesn't have the heart of joining and knowing my frens. Unlike my other frens bf. Or just like Joe, we so good frenship till knowing each other frens, which is part of the reason we have good frenship. Me and Kelly we are so good because we have a lot mutual frens. So in future I would like me and my bf knowing each other frens more. Just like him now, trying to get close or so good with the gf's fren. It just the matter of heart. The heart whether he want to do it or not. Perhaps the point of time he chosen me just like a pelampung, he just want to pak toh but im not the ideal gf that he wants.

Everything is end.... In fact my life now much better. Im going to have a new breakthrough for myself. Taking parts in 10km runs in March. Doing something I never do it before. Living life to the max as if is the last day of life.

Cheers~!!!

HIM

2012-01-16T08:59:00.002+08:00

This morning while I on the way to work I started to noticed I don angry him anymore. Yesterday I clean up my room, things that he gave me... I jus feel like ignored it and don feel like facing it at the moment. Certain things I feel like throwing, but Im unable to do it yet, so I just leave it there 1st till the day I want to throw it I will throw it.

I am no longer sad or angry, it just I dunno how and don feel like face it at the moment. So I asked myself don force myself.... Dont face it just leave it.

Last 2 days I went to shopping, saw his fren. Im really surprised that she cant recognised me at all. She look at me bcox I look at her, her expression told me she dunno me. Then I called her name. She look at me for few seconds only she can recognised me. I am wondering am I really changed that much? The last time I saw her was not very long ago... around mid Aug... Anna asked me, why I called her since she is his fren and not my fren. Well, is not her fault.... Since I knew her for 2years++ its ok to say "Hi". At least I have the guts to face his frens. I am wondering what if he saw my frens? I don think he have the guts to say "hi" and talk like normal.

I live my life with no fear and no regret and no harm to anyone.

I wont be saying him that if he broke up with me cox no feeling and got a new gf in such a short period. If his gf jealous we still keep in touch or be fren....He can jus ignored me and don bother me. Don have to hurt me. He told me the lies... He deleted my frens and family.... He support her to cari pasal with me.... He spread my blog to chloe and talk bad bout me when that is his gf's fault. Ignoring a person without doing anything it makes a very big different with ignoring a person and hurting the person.

Well, thanks to him..... He make me stronger and see him better. He make me see more evil side of a man.

ShoP@hoLiC

2012-01-13T09:00:00.002+08:00

I don't know since when started I become shopaholic.... Before or after broke up? As I remember I started to shop and facial all those before I broke up. Hmmm.... really no idea.

Yesterday was chit chat with my 2nd brother on the phone awhile. He asked me don't shop too much. I told him that is broke up therapy. It does make me much happier by shopping and buying stuff. I am so happy with my new bags, new dresses, new shoes and etc. But of cox my wallet is bleeding at the same time. hahaha..... Luckily got bonus for me to cover.

Few more days is exactly 3years of knowing him. Time passes pretty fast.... 3years gone. From knowing a person, till pak toh, broke up and we have our own life now. Last few days when I coming period I was quite emo. Probably due to my hormone causes all this. But period almost end, feeling is much better and happier.

Tonite will be celebrating lai yee's birthday. Finally, 5 of us gathered back after years. Few years did not see wei ling, last time had a big fight with her. Well, people grows up and never remember what happened last time. Hope everything goes well.

Cheers~!!!

-Sherryn-

Sometimes.....

2012-01-12T09:09:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I felt I'm weird.
Sometimes I felt I lack of topic with people.
Sometimes I felt I doesn't have good communication with people in long term.
Sometimes I felt I got problem which I don't know what is my problem.

Am I having attitude problem?
Am I boring?
Am I......

Sometimes I as if don't understand who am I in certain point of time, sometimes I thought I understand very well.

Why human being are so complicated? Cant it be simpler to understand?

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.H.I.P

2012-01-11T17:32:00.003+08:00

2 persons loving each other and being together or being together with the person you love it may not turns up as happy as you thought it is. Not every couple so damn lucky and sweet, not every couple so loving and happy.... I myself been through and seen it from peoples around me. 2 persons so called in love with each other, or even you have the person... You may be heartache, boring or suffering.

In fact, not being together with the person you love/like and stay as frens the feeling may turn another way round. The outcomes may be unexpected. You may be happier and less sadder as you are not loving the person so much or putting so much hope to the person after being together. Or it can be said there is no commitment between you and the opposite sex.

This type of feeling may be much comfortable as it have more freedom. Love or like a person doesnt mean need to together with the person for the happiness, but it will definitely have less sadness by not together with the person comparing with together with the person. Sometimes you like the person because of the feeling, but in fact your rationale told you the person is not the right one. Then it is better to stay as fren instead of temporary feeling and spoil the frenship. Just like me and him. If we doesn't started the relationship before, im sure he is a good fren as well. But too bad we are no longer can be a fren anymore.

Top "pantang" words on gals

2012-01-10T08:55:00.002+08:00

Words that most of the gals will get mad when someone using that to described them:

1). Cheap
2). Desperate for guys
3). Easy to chase
4). Fat
5). Ugly
6). Paid for the guy
7). Stupid (applicable to ego/kiasu lady)

If you ever want to make a gal/lady/woman mad you may probably try those words above with the right circumstances. It may not 100% works on everyone especially the person smart enough. But at least it work on some people. Hahaha.....

Life

2012-01-06T13:28:00.002+08:00

Arghh... 2 and the half month din come for period since the last time period which I still suspecting is it period cox unlike usual period. Not again~!!! but I think is impossible. By the way, if by this sun I still haven period will test another time. Oh gosh!!! Why all this thing still bothering my life. If I am really so "super lucky" I really duno how to face it this time as my mentality now and 3months ago is different. If I am really pregnant, it is so difficult for me to choose a better guy.

I am still thinking, if I really so lucky strike jackpot.... Should I tell him???? As I really dislike this person so much and what if in future he come and get the child from me? But how is my child birth cert going to fill up "nama ayah"???? I really no idea..... Hopefully god don give me such a big joke again. Not another time. If this time I really come period means I'm 100% safe. Luckily in between doesn't have one night stand with any guy or else I really dunno who is the daddy. Lolz.... But it doesnt seems very important also cox I will definitely be single mummy. This is for sure.

Time passes pretty fast, going to CNY... another year gone. I broke up for nearly 4months and yet still haven fully recover yet. I am thinking is it my problem or he is too cold blood? Or that is guy's nature? Perhaps I should listen to lai yee, find a new target to let go the old one. So easy to find a suitable one meh.... Last 2 weeks interested with Mr. G but less than 72hours sien jor and cant even remember his face. I should give myself more chances meeting more guys before getting a new one instead of lock up myself to one guy again. Sien....

I am getting very phobia to workhard for the next guy. Financial not stable or don have proper financial/future planning.... It is very pressure to pak toh with a guy financial not stable. I told my fren n sis b4, last time when end of the month he in my hse I will be struggling if my mom said we go out makan. Sometimes more 2days he getting his salary, his wallet probably left less than 50bucks. He either could afford but after tat no money makan or cant afford. I as a daughter feel bad and paiseh wait for my parents paid as we are working adults. Struggle and pressure. That is why I wil try to find my next one wont be like that. I do not wish someone extremely rich.... at least financially stable and good financial management.

I am so envy kelly's bro, same age with me but he and his gf capable to buy hse d..... he not even complete his PMR and single family but oredi afford to buy hse. He.... don have to pay family a single cent, 5years older than him but financial management worse than him. If he have good financial management he wont be in this situation at this age. He cant even afford to married me, cant even afford to buy a low cost hse with me, cant even afford to feed a baby.... That is why he is choosing someone wealthier. And the most funniest is he mind ppl said that. For me, other people may not qualified to said him not capable cox they dunno well, but I can. A gal from average family oso cant fulfill how bout rich family? well, that is his biz.... he will definitely find a thousand reasons to deny that.

This few weeks I was hardly at home, not even enough time to rest till I fall sick. I been having terrible cough for a week. Hardly to sleep at night, never cough till so terrible before. Those medicine really makes me felt so weak. This weekend no party again. Hopefully next weekend can go party.

爱情不是最重要

2012-01-04T23:19:00.001+08:00

爱情可以让到一个很快乐，很辛福。也可以让到你生不如死。。。今天我可以觉的自己很辛福，那明天我possible生不如死。之一个让到我学了我开心 that time 我要好好去enjoy, 如果不是，happy moment u dunno when it will leave. 这三个月，我没有爱情了。但是我多了很多友情，我家人对我的爱。我人生比last time 多开心很多。想念他，我是还有，但是我跟我自己说，我一定可以遭到一个对我很好的男人。爱我，对我好。

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tiring weekend

2012-01-02T23:17:00.001+08:00

Tired.... every weekend after exam very bz hanging out with frens and enjoying life. coming weekend schedule almost fully book. next weekend haven plan. I felt i am going to sick, sexy voice for few days, cough like hell for few days n now headache. so happy lately joining joe n Jeremy that gang as mostly are guys n similar interest. that makes me felt comfortable. hahaha....

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4th anniversary and happy 2012

2012-01-01T14:15:00.001+08:00

happy birthday to my blog... time passes pretty fast, my blog is 4years old. seeing bak my 2007 new year eve post it as if like yesterday. hahaha.... i think im old d. last nite went to genting for countdown... thought of seeing firework, 1st time countdown in genting but who knows no firework and postpone to tonite. disappointed.... but its ok, no loud music,.no liquor but stil feeling good. at least better than staying at home. year 2012 will be a great year. cheers.

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I am better than I was yesterday

2011-12-30T09:20:00.002+08:00

I am opening my blog to the public once again. Because things is over, nearly 3 weeks after the incident. I think they are forget bout this blog. I am open the blog because I want to share my feelings with my frens. Sometimes when feel telling my feelings or my problems to my frens but I dunno how to voice out or sometimes I don feel good as if irritating people, if they want to know I would prefer they read it. At least they wont feel that Im irritating them.

Blogging true feelings is to capture my feeling of every month. Last few days was reading back my blog. The moment and feeling during my grandma's funeral. When I started to workout. How I stand up from failure or the lowest point of life.

Some ppl advice me to write journal or diary instead blogging. Nah.... I dislike writing.... I prefer typing. At least the words wont be ugly and any mistake I can just backspace instead of using liquid paper.

2more days is end of 2011, this year is the toughest year for me in 23years. Going through a lot things that I never go through before. However, I am stronger now. I realised my mentality too dependent on him when pak toh which weaken it. Unlike me last time before pak toh.

I told myself... Failure and pain is a MUST go through step to success. I am better than I was yesterday. Cheers~!!!!

My niece

2011-12-30T09:12:00.004+08:00

Last few days while I was watching tv in the room, my niece came to my and watching tv with me. She suddenly asked me "where is gor gor ryan". I kinda surprised when she asked me that as she doesn't mean about him for months.

Perhaps I'm watching tv in the room reminds her me and him used to watch tv together almost every night. I nearly forgot the moment of watching tv with him otherwise I wont be watching drama again, I wasn't watching tv at home for 3months partly because I don wanna do something me and him last time used to do and I am busy with life.

This few months I'm not that close and love my niece as last time. Because her "gu jie" me also not in the good mood and was pretty down in the past few months.

Bad things is over and good things keep on approaching. I believe better day will come just the matter of time. Tomorrow will always be a better day.

72hours

2011-12-28T23:36:00.001+08:00

last fri joe he intro me 1 of his fren. we from knowing each other, interested to each other n stop contacting just within 72hours. jus now while on the bed i was trying to capture his face but i almost forgotten how he look like. TERRIBLE.... i met him twice oso can forgot. but he is very gentlement n nice guy. but no matter how, my frens they are right, even though he is very good but don so fast aim for a guy. should see more before choosing the right one. i don think my requirement isnt that high, i am wondering why joe said im pickyyyyyy...... im not picky just tat im not dbkl. lol. well, most important is continue self improvement and live life happily.

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2012 resolution

2011-12-26T15:30:00.002+08:00

1). slim down another 5kgs，

2). go for 5km runs,

3). go for hiking,

4). pass my acca.

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3 months

2011-12-23T09:01:00.002+08:00

Times passes pretty fast, its going to end of 2011 and its exactly 3months since I broke up with him. In this 3months, I gained lots of life experienced which its really makes me down the earth. From last 2 weeks incident, he just enough to let me know he is a jerk after broke up.

He doesnt stop her from adding me cari pasal but supporting her. She cari pasal I shoot her and he told chloe and spreading my blog. What a shame for a man doing all this. If I doesnt deleted her and blocked my blog things will never end. No one will beneficial and no one will be happy as well.

He just enough to let me know he is silly, by blocking my blog is that means I will stop blogging and my frens cant see it? I will still blog.... That is because they don have self control to stop them self to read my blog.

My life so much better and peaceful without seeing and knowing their stuff.

Last sat I went for transformation. Its consider 70-80% to success... A lil bit things need to be add on and putting more efforts. A lot people said I look very very different in terms of look and dressing. It just makes me felt as if a brand new life for me.

Christmas is coming this weekend.... will be having and wonderful Christmas celebration this year.

~cheers~

E.N.D

2011-12-11T23:35:00.002+08:00

Yea.... Finally everything come to the end.... Do not wish to have any linkages with them anymore as Im not interested towards them. Do not wish to kepoh ppl stuff anymore as it wont make things good, it only make things never end.

In fact I can just hide her fb dont see or don bother, but it seems there is still linkages between me and them. Whats the point??? I approved in the first place because of curiosity, now this curiosity no longer in my dictionary. Nah...

But if she still want to read my blog I cant stop her for being so interested to me as long as she don disturb my life. Im a very simple person, don disturb my life, don step on me I wont bother bout you. Maybe she may think Im the one started to blog bout her, I wont denied that I started to blog bout her.

But harloooo.... Isn't that common sense for a person to think what type of person is yr ex new partner? I think that make sense... I think most of the people will think and do the same. Correct? Most important I don disturb them. This is my blog, my diary... How I think , what I think bout her and write down here is normal. She can choose not to read in the first place. But she cant stop me to write. Is what I wrote here affect her reputation? No full name and pics also.

She can said she wrote in her fb wall is her freedom. Thats definitely yes... I wont stop her. But its only proven how concerned am I to her. Early in the morning woke up and read my blog. 1 day read few times. I don wish to see her fb, but the fb page showing me her post.

Phew.... its ok... everything ends now.... I just don wanna involved myself in anything will causes things never end. Revenge isnt a solution to stop things. I don wanna blog bout the fool anymore as nothing for me to write anymore. Wasting my time talk bout a foolish person. What ever I want to know and see is enough.... enough to know and proven she is foolish. I don wanna waste of my time towards this person anymore. Not important.

-END-

Stop being foolish

2011-12-11T20:46:00.006+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHA..... Nicole lee you are just make me felt you are childish and stupid. Now I know why are you adding me in fb, indirectly replied my comment in my blog. Come on, my blog is just my diary to record down everything, everyone and every single point of my life. I doesnt make it public to telling the world to insult anyone. It just want to let myself seeing it after certain period of time in life. Its my freedom and privacy.

Come on, stop stalking on my blog and tried to "revenge" it in fb. This is very childish act and you claimed your self to be matured by adding yr bf's ex and tried to revenge? You yourself making your self foolish. If you doesnt add me in the 1st place I wouldnt knowing so much bout you and giving me more chances to said bout u. If you doesnt posting anything in fb I wouldnt know you reading my blog let me know how you actually care, mind and frustrated with what I said? What I said and think its actually so important for you???? You yr self who step on the border 1st, if you never added me and thought of indirectly revenge, it wouldnt be so much joke for me.

As a human being in this society, isn't that normal we cant control others mindset and how others think of you? So what I think of you is it matter???

I really cant believe I updated my blog mid nite 4am and early in the morning you read my blog. and evening read again. Haahahahaa...... I really don mind others read it, if you really read it oso don tell out u reading la....

For me, you have nothing for me to respect because what you have did in this few days you are down grading your self. You stil have certain degree of respect in my heart in the 1st place, but now you are not. So what if you are rich, pretty and educated? but your actions oredi spoiled it. I very clear what I wrote i am not down grading myself at least Im expressing my feeling and point of view in my blog/diary. Im not famous blogger and no one knows bout my blog. I doesnt disturb your life nor ryan's life. I doesnt judged on you in the first place. I doesnt enclosed ryan's PnC stuff here such as his salary n etc stuff. I have my owned principles of life and I very careful with every single word I wrote here because Im have my owned principles of life and respecting people.

I don wanna continue play with you lady, I deleted your fb because I want stop everything. I wont make myself like a fool like you continue stalking on me. Please~!!!!

You are over estimated you self. You just couldnt accept that you are a fool, childish and stupid. Thats why you so bother what I said bout you.

If you so mind and bother what I said bout you n ryan, must well you think and concerned how your family look at him when you bring him back home and told them bout his background. That is the most important. If you cant even overcome my point of view, how you going to overcome your family.

So what if you are educated but not with the right mentality? For your info, I doesnt feel angry or frustrated with what you post comment bout me because I don bother your point of view. In fact I non stop laughing there because it proven you stalk my blog. Stop being foolish woman. My godness~!!! I really cant believe a person older than me 5years, educated.... But so foolish. Well, if your are not foolish you wont choose ryan gan. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... best of luck and all the best in life

A word that makes the difference

2011-12-11T12:40:00.004+08:00

All this while what I wrote bout her is my POINT OF VIEW or WHAT SHE MAKES ME FELT, there is no absolute terms. Discussion with my frens is also a point of view. Even one of my fren said "she make me felt she is desperate". The words "she make me felt" is only based on his point of view.

There is no judges on her. Unless I said "she is cheap, she is desperate" this is called judges. I judged on the person without knowing the person. Everyone that we met everyday will have a prejudge on the person from how the person behave and how the person react and appearances that the person seen from outside.

That is why we need to behave our self well, how we carry ourselves because that is wat first impression people think before knowing you well and judge wat type of person you are.

I doesnt make any judges because I dunno her well, thats wat makes me so interested knowing bout her. Towards ryan I am judging bout him because I knowing him so well.

I am well trained from my professional last time as auditor, do not give absolute point of view before you knowing it or else you will ends up like a fool.

If people who heard I talked bout Nicole and think Im insulted her then they are wrong. I doesn't insult her at all.... I am jus expressing my point of view from the evidence I had which is not absolute. They jus making them self so swallow as they couldn't differentiate "judging a person" and "my point of view".

I had a strong feeling Nicole is reading my blog from what she posted make me felt she comment bout my blog and talked bout me. If yes, I wont bother how she found out my blog cox its not my biz. If what she wrote really talking bout me, then she is making her self like a fool because "why are you so bothering what is yr bf's ex point of view towards u? and now you are JUDGING me lack of maturity? Isn't that you worse than me as you are judging me? Looks who lack of maturity now, im prejudge but you are judging"

If what her frens and she think about me such as lack of maturity and other stuff I don mind if that makes her feel better or able to let her denied she is a fooled. Cox what I wrote here Im just expressing my POINT OF VIEW and it doesnt make it public to anyone besides few of my close frens who reading it. I did nothing wrong and I doesnt do anything that makes myself ends up to be a fool or a joke. But what she did thats makes ppl think she is a fool is public and everyone can see and knows bout it.

Please do not judge bout others when you are making the same fool out. In the end if im really not as matured as you but so what. Im 23 and you are 28, plus you are more educated than me. That is common that Im not as matured as you. But it will be funny for me on what u said and did. Nicole please don make you self like a fool, choosing ryan is already a joke for me... N now you reading my blog and bothering my point of view and you said im lack of maturity bcox Im prejudged you but you ends up judged on me. Wow... Thats so matured.

By the way, what you and ryan stuff I really don bother at all because this man no longer important for me anymore. Ryan for me he just a man dunno where he his position is. Even Ah Choon dare not to move forward to chase CY bcox he felt he doesnt match her even though they both like each other. You also agreed with that. But now you are only diploma holder with a PHD/master holder. In future you married how much you afford to paid for the marriage? How far can you go vacation with her? Can you ever accept u staying in a nice house that from yr wife/the wife family? Or can Nicole ever accept staying in a low or medium cost house with this man?

I cant believe u guys older than me 5years but only look at current.... Perhaps u guys are same type of persons, doing wat ever u guys feel like doing. FREEDOM....

Come on, Im not trying to break u guys off, just ask you to think rationally.... Even though I dislike you but I still don wish seeing you insulting yr self bcox no matter how we still being loving each other for so long before and I don wish after broke up ends up like shit. Plus I don want feel shameful to have such ex bf, but if you are really making yr self so.... I doubt Nicole will be even more shameful to have such bf.

A day before exam

2011-12-11T01:05:00.003+08:00

Another day gone... today is not very productive day. Or the productivity may come later as I was had enough sleep today so may study till 4-5am. My timing seems to be up side down. But its a good thing, more concentration on nite time. Less distraction.

Luckily I took another day off on Tues for me to have a break before back to work... Lol. Tues gonna change a new hair style for myself. For xmas and cny. Such a LONG time I did not change my hair style. This time due to too much things happened in this few months and wanted to have a new changes for myself as if those bad things is over. A brand new life. Then gonna celebrate Anna's bday at nite and watching twilight. Yipeeeeee~!!!!

Hopefully the coming Friday got kaki to go party with me. I miss zouk. Lolz. Sat gonna shop and maybe treatment and if possible may yam cha wit stacy. At nite haven pre'xmas celebration with ex colleague, it doubt it gonna be all nite long. Sunday having 4treatments in a day Then dinner with Lai yee. Hahaha... what a wonderful life. Plenty of dramas and movies in my hardisk no time to watch yet.

In fact, life without ryan gan is more colourful. Or else 90% of the saturday nite will be staying at home due to he was tired after badminton. I suggested many times said that how bout go Muar, on the way we can go Malacca makan and walk around. But he don want to spend such extra money. Sigh..... sometimes when think back really felt so fedup deep inside my heart.

However, I noticed this few days even though Im not working staying at home but I noticed this person stop appears in my mind. Lolz.

The only time that makes me talk the most bout him is discussing the reason why Nicole Lee @ Cole Faye chosen him. Because it still something don make sense for me even though this is the facts. The reason not because he is my ex, as general topic. Sometimes even I don mention it my fren will mention it when it comes to certain topic that linked to it.

Well, how sweet is their relationship... how sweet is it... how bad is it... Im not interested to bother at all... The most interesting part is their relationship bring me a lot happiness. Its seriously like a joke for me.

A gal who is rich, educated, pretty know a guy in fb... able to accept the guy so publicly doing and saying all that in fb n beyond my expectation is so easily chase, jus within short period. N so easily accept the guy even though the guy jus broke up. N sent him flower (from the survey I did, more than 50% of ppls said is a joke).

A guy who have nothing, look so MAN... but everyday posting those love quotes till those guys and gals oso betahan with him. Deleted all my frens and family in fb and giving me rubbish reason such a childish act. N the most childish thing is..... he message me to clarify he is not childish. WTF..... *mlm*

N a mysterious person message Nicole in fb asked her to leave him and telling his PnC stuff to her. The mysterious person is so free and nothing to do go find out ryan's background and ask the gal leave him. N Mr. Gan seems afraid that Ms. Lee knowing bout his stuff, this is wat he make me felt. and the funniest part is they so easily broke up and get back together. Small kids play sand meh.....

All the shits that happening now and past few weeks as if like a joke for me from the point of view as a outsider. Now the most sad moment is over for me, I seeing them like seeing comedy... This has been keep me laughing and lots of question mark in my mind when ryan told me the gf is Cole Faye. But I really thanks to them as they bring me a lot happiness cox it make me laugh for weeks.

I knew many rich frens, capable frens, guys and gals, lady and man... I asked their opinion, plus mainly are older than me many years. Some even up to 20years about this topic because I do not wish to judge something or a person only based my point of view. The comments that they gave me:

"pity the gal become the victim..."

"flower stab on shit...."

"The gal too free nothing to do, or play too much guys wanted try something new"

"The gal FAT KAI MANG one..."

I think I hardly forget this 2 persons in my life as they, especially Nicole really enhanced my point of view. Perhaps I should change my mentality. HAHAHAHAHAHAA...........

Well, that is people life people choice plus it doesnt harms anyone. Absolutely fine.

I asked myself this ques before, am I insulting her bcox she is my ex new gf? The answer is "no" because I ends up with the same respond as some other ppl who doesnt have any conflict of interest. I am just saying what me and my frens point of view towards the gal from her physical part what I seen and things that she had done. Definitely no extra things I add in. At least I din said she is cheap, she is desperate.

The reasons I want to make clear to myself is because I don wanna be like those Bitch who creating the stories. In fact I am pity her, if there is a chance for me to meet her one day I think I might have something I really want to ask her. Her personality suddenly become an interesting person for me not because she is my ex new gf. Because she is Nicole Lee. But that doesnt mean anything cox since last time I am always interested to found out bout a person that makes me think she/him is interesting.

Miracle

2011-12-10T03:01:00.002+08:00

Tonite Cole Lee @ Cole Faye added me in fb which really surprised me. I don't understand why she added me in fb, if she want to see my pics... I doubt she seen it before when she just knew his NEW BF in fb, which few days after broke up wit me before he deleted all the pics. If she want to know more about me she can ask Mr Gan.

But that doesn't make me feel anything. I don feel sad, don feel angry, don feel jealous. Just one word to describe "curious". Thats why I approved as I hardly approved people that I dunno. That only happened in my friendster's account few years back. Lolz. By the way, I don think I will be interested with any of her update cox non of my biz with her life and her pak toh life.

After seeing and knowing her stuff mostly are within my expectation. She is not as pretty as I thought she really that "WOW... VERY PRETTY"... but consider pretty also la. But she is richer than I expected. Well, then I really congrat to Mr. Gan bout it because his future will be very happy, he found his happiness. Their relationship don have to worry bout money, houses n etc, they can go anywhere as they like anytime. Don have to wait till airasia promo and grab the free ticket. His koh samui and maldives trip will be coming true soon.

There is something me and my frens really couldnt understand:

A gal who is 28years old. Consider pretty la.. Assume she is rich...and now I know that she is a PHD holder if I din guess wrongly....

Why she would simply know a stranger in fb? Me and most of my frens wont even do that, even if fren's fren will think twice whether to approve or not. Plus I couldnt see she have any mutual fren with ryan's close fren. She doesnt have much frens in fb shows that she shouldnt be a person simply approved and add ppl in fb. But why happened to ryan. Weird~!!!

For me and most of my gals fren around me, we will NEVER send flower to guy. Because for me and my fren will think why must I down graded myself to make the guy feel proud? There are plenty of guys out there. I asked 1 of my guy fren opinion, he said if a gal did so... seems like a bit desperate for him. My fren isnt a guy simply date any gal as he has high requirement. Another guy fren said, its so weird a gal send flower. I said what if u r the guy and u like the gal, will u think so? He said wont la, he might be happy... but DEFINITELY wont post the flower pic in fb because he don want others think the gal so cheap or desperate. He himself know is more than enough. But ryan's action proven to me he feel proud and showing off and indirectly stepping the gal value.

Maybe for her sending flower is nothing. Me n my frens did ask some other people what do u think if a gal send flower to go... there are some gals think nothing, its ok.

I told bout this gal to few persons asking their point of view why such gal will choose my ex... she got everything and he have nothing. Few of them comes with same conclusion:

1) she is sot geh
2) she is bak chi geh
3) she is playing him only

I am very clear the reason I told my fren bout this gal is not bcox he is my ex new gf. It just I couldnt understand why she will choose him and want to know others point of view to know that whether is my point of view is right or wrong? Is it my problems to think it is a problem or weird, or is the gal problem that choosing him. But 99% of them from the survey I did came with the same answer... Means is not my problem. Hahahaha.....

But I really thanks to her as she "enhanced" my experience of life and let me seeing things that most of the ppl think it doesnt make sense its actually happened.

Lesson of the month

2011-12-10T02:32:00.004+08:00

OMFG.... Today I just be the most STUPID PERSON IN THE EARTH... my godness~!!!

Today I went to college exam hall, as usual sit for my exam. Before I step in the college hall I found something is not right from the seat number and my seat number. But that doesn't bother me at all and I step in the hall to look for my seat. But the last number in the hall is 120++, and mine is 160++

I flip my docket and see again... its P5... seat number 160++ but the date is 8th dec... I on the spot on my phone and double checked the date. Today is 9th dec. OMFGGGG......

That moment I step out from the college hall... I sit on the chair and stun for minutes before I able to react anything.

I made such a big mistake due to all this while P5 was falls on fri, and every paper will fall on the same day not date. I been taking ACCA for 4years and it goes the same except for this round. My mindset before and till the moment I signed up for exam is P5 on fri...

It is my careless... lesson of being too careless. That moment I really down to the earth, almost cry out. I been studying for nights. Even this morning I studied 2hours before exam. Outside exam hall flip through the formula inchase I forget.

I was down to the earth.... Another BIG CHI KEK again.... Since Aug till today, every month got something big happened and everytime is something fresh. MY GODNESSSSS..... If all this shit continuous happen in the next few months I think I need to consult psychologist. I will insane... This few months really the lowest point of my life. But I told myself I wont give up.

If Mon is not my last paper, I doubt tonite I will be drinking. In this few months, there are many times I have the intention wanted to smoke, but I stop myself don get this habit. Today my intention of smoking back again. But I managed to stop it. Thats why I said I need a psychologist. If bad things are keep on happening I really dunno how long can I stop myself and stand still.

But today I released it with a very positive way... On treadmill.... I run faster and longer than usual which causes my leg damn painful. I been doing workout for a week without skipping a day, which its really hurts my leg now. Tomoro gonna take a day off from workout for my body to rest.

Today's lesson, it make me have more motivation to study for the next paper. At least Im not as shitty as last few days.

Cheers~!!!!

Next 12 hours

2011-12-09T02:31:00.003+08:00

In the next 12hours I gonna be in exam hall and sit for my exam. Up to this moment Im not really well prepared. But I told myself I wont give up...

This few days Joe keep encouraging and motivating me to study so much. Which it makes me felt bad.

What happened this few months its really make me at the lowest point of my life. Its ain't easy for me to climb up, but im glad I managed to climb up now with the supporting from my frens and family. Even though I managed to climb up... but wounds everywhere as I really fell to very deep one. It really need times for the wounds to be heal.

I told him, deep inside my heart I hate myself why I don have the mood to study. I blame myself for being so useless. I noticed I am really weak and not matured enough to control my emotion. He replied me "hate for what? it doesnt change anything, why not just used it to change my attitude"... which is very true. I should used that feeling to drive myself to better goal. Using it wisely... Thats why the whole night my study mood is back compared with last few days. Thats why I said he is my si fu...

Look at the positive side, without what happened in this few months I wouldnt know where is my weaknesses... N most important.. I knew where is my weaknesses instead of keep on like a shit there Or I may be heal without learning.

Sometimes think of another point of view, if I doesnt fall... I never know how deep is the hole. Everyone knew the hole is deep, they can mention... But can they really SEE how deep the hole really is? and the MOST IMPORTANT thing is I learned how to climb up from the hole when I fall a deep one... I see things from differently when Im in the hole, something I never see before. If I never fall deep pme and learned how to climb up, then how would I able to climb higher in the future?

Airasia promo

2011-12-08T12:56:00.002+08:00

My heart felt so uncomfortable with airasia promo. Last time when ever promo me and him will get very excited and planning where to go. Now as if like no kaki go holiday with me... But I think mainly because of my mentality.

But its ok... as wat anna said... More and more happy and memorable holiday will be coming in future.

As what joe said don see things in short term, see how it goes in long term because long term is more permanent. Short terms I may be sad cox still cant let go... But if see long term effect, I will be happier in long term because I don have to worried his financial management, don have to sacrificed for a man who don appreciate me and found someone who love and care me and give me true happiness. Sad for few months but exchange for years happiness.

Whereas for him, he may be happy in short period.... But in long term he may struggling for financial problem.... and as I said, if the gal is rich he may be facing pressure from the gal family, from frens. I think he may deny or think what I wrote now because of jealousy and bullshit right now because he is blinded. This is his long term effect... pressure life. Many people told me and I even seen it with my own eyes, heard from my own ears... A marriage which have financial problem in long term definitely will deteriorate the relationship. If only 2 persons, it wont be so much headache.... If with children, there is the peak of the problems and pressure.

I personally went through the family financial problem, and I know how it affected me, how hard is the time my mom go through... I heard and see from my frens... and I saw how it affected them. I don wish to go to the same route as my mom, I don wish my child go same route as me.

I learned and see what is happiness from my ex colleague Michelle, she is very pretty and nice lady. Her husband look jus average. Her husband is not those damn rich but above average... The husband love her and child so much this is what all of us can see. Stay in better environment house even though is not bungalow... give the child learn what they like. She work part time or easier job in order to spend more time taking care the child. This is happiness of what most of the women dreaming.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

2011-12-08T03:19:00.002+08:00

Another day gone.... Why is 24hours so little and limited. Or because time is limited so we need to learn how to appreciate every moment?

Just now chat wit Ivan in fb talk bout level of life. What I have gone through this few months which really upgraded my level so much. I can felt I really grow up. Seeing more things that I nvr seen before... and see things differently.

Just like last time, when I noticed how much I grow up or learned.... I closed my eyes and think...I can feel pain deep inside my heart. Cox tears and pain that makes me grow... No one will knows how much tears and how painful behind it.

This few months I really thanks to my frens who always there supporting, helping me, be there for me. Especially Joe... He as if my si fu, teaching me a lot stuff... which make me a better person... which guiding me how to achieve my goals.. Which make my thinking how to be more mature and rational. Really appreciate and feel glad that someone who sincerely treated me as fren teaching and guiding me there.

Just now Ivan told me, in future if anything I need someone point of view or comment he will always welcome me and ask me to ask him. Hahaha.... Another si fu coming soon. Last time when pak toh everything I will only asked ryan, as if only 1 si fu... Now I noticed I got more si fu in fact. Kok Hou and eric also very kind... always there guiding and supporting me.

My ji muisssss of cox my number 1 supporting me and helping me... No need said out... cox we have the chain that hardly break in our heart.

Sometimes when I look back... I lost some1 I love and some1 that don love me... But I gained a lot frens who care, supporting and guiding me. Look at the positive side for happier life.

Suitability

2011-12-07T22:23:00.004+08:00

How would you define a person that suit you?

The person had similar interest and attitude?

The person make you felt comfortable?

The person fulfill what you needs?

I don't think there is any answer for this question...

The person had similar interest and attitude:

The person had similar interest and attitude, can they tolerate each other? If both oso bad tempered, then the life wont be peaceful. I doubt will be quarrel all the time. That doesnt mean the person can make you felt comfortable. If both parties also very "tricky mindset", then they have to guess or check on each other everyday.

If like my case, ryan doesnt know how to keep money.... If I don save for him and still keep on spending for him... what would happen?

If both oso similar interest, can be consider as good thing... but as what ryan said last time true as well, sometimes you don need a person have same interest with u, cox u hope that someone waiting you at home, prepare the dinner and waiting for you.

The person make you felt comfortable:

This is what exactly my situation is... a person make me felt comfortable... We don have similar interest and attitude. Ends up like LOU FU LOU CHAI and nothing to talk.... But we felt comfortable with each other and pampering each other. But boring life.....

The person fulfill your needs:

Materially fulfill the gal needs, or physically fulfill what the guys want... Is their love is true love? Is the gal with the guy cox of money or love them? What if the guy bankrupt or difficult time can the gal go through with the guy?

If the guy like the gal bcox of appearance... What if the gal fat? what if the gal had accident and become ugly? what if the gal old? what if they bored with their appearance?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Conclusion: how would you define a person that is suit you? This moment I suddenly couldn't answer the ques "is ryan suit me???" people said he doesnt suit me.... suddenly remind me this ques i asked him before "do i suit you" he said yes... and some people said yes....

But now he is choosing someone as if opposite with me.... so is the answered he and others said earlier on is correct? am I the 1 don suit him? If I don suit him, or he don suit me... why is our heart still plan to married???? or shall I make it this way if one day Cole Faye ask him the same ques, the old one 1 earlier on i thought suit me... but after that noticed we don suit... and you are more suitable for me...

I am not comparing between me and her... It just I am curious with "suitability" this word. How would you define it... It just that I am curious that this person used to said I suit him so much but now choosing someone totally opposite with me.

I really dunno how to determine how a guy really suit me in future.... Even he said I suit him should I hesitated with his replied?

Or... just like what kelly said.... the same old word... "depends on fate".... hahaha....

I dunno why, I got this problem after broke up with Ryan which is... will always think for the excuse or those things guy going to said. Those excuse like what he told me, those bullshit like as if how he "tam" Cole Faye. I cant imagine how would my next one I going to treat him.

Today is W.E.D.N.E.S.D.A.Y

2011-12-07T12:13:00.004+08:00

WEDNESDAY...... tomoro THURSDAY.... then FRIDAY.... OMFGGGGGGGGGGGG......

Bad thing is I have to sit for exam and not well prepared. Good thing is a step nearer for me to enjoy. Why must the good and bad is things always come together???

I broke up with ryan... Bad thing is I lost a man I love.... Good thing is I lost a man who don love me and got chances to find someone that love me.....

He appears in my dream again last night.... WHY.... why he keep on haunting me. I deleted all his stuff in my phone, deleted his fb, he deleted all my frens and family which it totally stop me from knowing his update which is a good thing for me. I avoid going places like 1u or tropicana mall cox I think there is high possibility he wil go there pak toh and movies. I don't want to know his stuff, I dont want see this person cox he will make me vomit and nightmare.

But this morning when I woke up suddenly think of my last nite post and a rap of him suddenly cross into my mind.

yo.... yo...
NGO YAO GOR EX..... HUI MHENG GILL ZHOU RYAN GAN......
HUI ZUI LEI GEH SI HAO.... ZHAO WA OI LEI OI DOU SEI....
HUI DAK DOU LEI GEH SI HAO..... ZHAO WA HOR YI WAI HUI LEI SEI.....
YAT GOR TIN WA..... ZHAO LING DOU HUI LAM SEI.....
DONG HUI DUI LEI DUI DOU SIEN SEI....
LEI KWONG YAT GUI, ZHAO WA LEI FAN SEI,
HUI ZHAO DUI LEI MOON SEI.....
DOU SI HUI ZHAO WA 9 ZHI LEI SEI....
ZUI HOU LEI HUI SEI.....

Hahahaa.... I myself when rapping it also feel funny... I don mean or purposely to think for the rap, somehow it jus so coincident cross into my mind. lolz....

Exam

2011-12-07T01:06:00.002+08:00

Sherryn Leong ar Sherryn Leong..... Few more days going to exam.... Please concentrate to study.

I hope I will... But 1 day study half an hour to 2hours....

The worst preparation for exam in this few years.

I hate study leave which makes me have more time to think of the moment of him. In fact I don love him anymore and don wish to be with him anymore. I rather work in office and hang out with frens after work.

But.... I still need to F.O.C.U.S.

Unless I jus go do sales and marketing. Since visiber said I will be doing very well in sales. Hahaha...

No matter how still need to complete my ACCA as backup. 2012 is the final year for myself to do what ever I want. 25years old need to be stable and steady life.

So many stuff to do next year.... slimming, pretty, holidaying, thought of putting braces or making tattoo... Oh yeah, mom wont disagree I do tattoo if I am career woman. Hahahaha.... Cox I poison her mind, how cool is it if a very capable woman with a tattoo behind. Everyone will erase the mindset a lady with tattoo isnt a good lady. hahahahaha..... Buying car next year... Arghh... so many things to do but having financial constraint.

How good if born in rich family... How pretty I want to be also can.... not a problem. But no self satisfaction. I rather using all this as my goal, work hard to achieve it. I will feel more satisfied. Just like choosing a man who is wealth because he is capable not bcox his family is wealthy.

ACCA.... Even though Im not as well prepared as previously.... But I promised to myself I will do the best till the last second of the exam. I wont give up. I give up means I giving up myself. I give up means ryan gan causes me giving up my exam? NO WAY..... I wont let him affected me giving up my exam.

Gambate~!!! cheers

MAN & WOMAN

2011-12-06T22:09:00.003+08:00

Today went to petaling street fetch my mom go temple. Park my car in kasturi there. That moment remind me ryan used to wait for me there. It does make my heart a bit uncomfortable but I told myself don look back. POINTLESS....

Many ppls told me DON EVER ACCEPT THIS MAN back... not because he hurt me, not because he having new gf in short period. But his characteristic as if a bird without leg, irresponsible, and immatured in handling his financial stuff. Perhaps Cole Faye able to help him manage or keep on supporting him. Hahaha.... But bout managed, it reminds me when beginning of the relationship he even wanted gave me his atm card with all his money. But i refused. Luckily I refused cox after a year he told me "that is my money" when I was planning for him.

Well, LAM YAN... out of 10, 9 oso JIN KAK 1.... when he love the woman WAI LEI SEI.. when don love her WA ZHI LEI SEI..... now he so in loving. A call from her able to make him fucking LAM SEI.... maybe he willing change for her. But everything also bcox starting of the relationship. Its normal that this happen to every end of the relationship. Beginning very good n when broke up sure bcox something not good. I understood this theory.

But the point is we broke up consider peacefully, i mean that moment. Even the day we broke up also right after movie and discussing in the car. We even plan to married. Just bcox he not afford to buy house, I don mind... but he mind... so we got no choice... or else now we might oredi owned our own house. But he can did so many things behind, have plenty of my frens n family in fb but chasing gal till some guys (our frens) come and told me what he posted and wrote very YUK MA till they tak tahan also... they tot is to me... Make me felt he doesnt respect me at all. The lies he told me. That is the MAIN POINT....MOU CHING MOU YI... he make me felt he like shit after broke up.

Don tell me he did all this because easier for me to let go??? Cut the crap. Earlier on, he oredi told me he totally let go. Which make me deleted all his stuff and I decided to let go.

But the thing make me thing I like a fool the most is he told COLE FAYE "u r worthwhile for me to wait because trust on me when Im having bad time, a words can make her smile, a "hi" can brighten up her day" in fb comment. WTF..... that moment cole faye like that comment make me felt she becoming another "SOH HAI" like me to trust him. But I am better, that moment im 21... she 28 now... still so soh hai trust all this thing?

That moment I really feel like comment " there is another SOH HAI go through all the hard time with him, even he don even have a car but with debts still financial and non financially support him... All the way from setapak take bus, 30mins lrt, 30mins ktm n taxi go sg buloh take care him, all the way from setapak drive to sg buloh massage his leg when knowing his leg pain stand in sales gallery which happened a week b4 broke up, who willing sacrificed all her material stuff to buy something he want to get in order to make him happy which she think is worth it... in return she jus wait for him to married him even he don have house, even he cant have the wedding dinner in hotel, take wedding pic in overseas"

But Im not a person who like to show off all this to others.... As if down graded myself. Lai yee asked to post my blog link in fb.... So ppls know it... I said no need... Cox my blog is just to remind me I used to be soh hai before in my journey of life. In future when I read back I able to know how stupid am I last time.

Divorce

2011-12-05T23:53:00.003+08:00

Just now too sien, a lot things cross into my mind. But this time I wasn't sad. Just like "peng seong sam" and think...

The end of my relationship with ryan not only like couple breaking up but like divorced. Because we used to be like old husband and wife... with each other most of the time, don mind each other bad behavior, cooking and makan at home... sleep together almost every weekend, taking care of my niece as if our daughter.... go everywhere oso bring her go. Going through all the hard time together, endlessly supporting him. All the way from setapak to sg buloh massage for him cox knowing his leg pain. we go to each other house as if our own house. Its as if life after married.

Well, why our pak toh life could be as boring to this extent? As what lai yee said is right... "money" problem in a relationship will deteriorate the relationship. Trying to save every single cents... Cox going out sure will spend money. But that me learned something, not to say find a very rich husband, but at least average.

Even he wont denied that he like old husband and wife wit he and he told me that is what he felt. LOU FU LOU CHAI.... Thats why now I think back I am not broke up but divorce. I know it does make a bit different compare with really divorce, but in terms of mentality it as if no different bcox we don have the pak toh mentality.

But at least it let me go through all this feeling, so I will remind myself how the life after married would be...... and how the feeling... But I hope I wont be afraid of marriage in future. I am really thank god I am not actually "married" to this man and not having child for him. Or else i doubt he may dump me n the child... wont even look at us a single eye. Cox I remember he asked me to abort a year ago when I suspecting myself pregnant. If i insist want the baby, he will definitely think the child is burden for him or wont even bother the child. Not even look an eye to the child when he have new love or some1 more attracting him and he will cover with his lies to said he is MR Good.... I heard too much his stories, but the things in the end I found out I can see the purpose the saying the stories its actually to covered his bad stuff.....

2011-12-05T21:55:00.002+08:00

Tik Tok Tik Tok Tik Tok.....

Time passing... Coming fri exam... next mon exam....

Cant wait for christmas.... cant wait for bonus.... cant wait for transformation...

Be patience... be patience... happy things is coming soon.....

Once exam will play to the max.....

Thinking and planning for year 2012 resolution....

ARGHHHHHH.....

2011-12-05T16:21:00.002+08:00

Arghhhh..... no mood study for exam.....

Just installed unifi at home... yipeee.... the line so much faster... but every month commitment almost double up for internet bill... sigh....

Morning til now study less than half an hour....

Just back from gym.... take a short break... go shower and nap....

What a life~!!!

Cheerzzzz

Blissful to nightmare

2011-12-05T10:50:00.002+08:00

Another nightmare that I had last night. I was dream bout how blissful am I used to be. I think bcox last night I was think the moment how he made me feel touching till I cried last night. The moment in oldtown when he appears infront of me I really feel touching this man as if protecting behind of me.

Last night dream of how he used to pampered me like princess, taking care of me, let me know how blissful am I cox there is no 1 make me feel so blissful, he made my life as if so complete.... Being there for me...

But all this happen the 1st year, in fact less than a year of pak toh because he even forgot our 1st anniversary. But one thing I really thanks to ryan gan is that he let me know the 1st few month of pak toh how sweet it is it may ends up mean nothing. Opsss... perhaps just like me right now, ends up to nightmare.

If not because what he did in the 1st year which make me feel touching, I wont be helping him and treated him so well. Because I keep on reminding myself how well he used to treated me even though he started treating me so cool. I even stupid till wanna help him to repay his personal loan installment last few months to settled it ASAP instead wait 2more years. Bcox of his egoism.... He rejected... So I insist to pay when go out pak toh. I am doing that bcox for our future. That moment we keep on seeing houses to buy for our future. But bcox due to his personal loan it is difficult for him to get housing loan. Which causes him cant even buy a house below 200k. So of cox I wish to help him since he "seems" wanted to buy house for our future but not afford.

Luckily we doesnt owned a house together, luckily I wasnt pregnant for him. Otherwise it would be the WORST nightmare ever in my life. When just broke up I even suicide for him. Luckily Im still alive. Now I wanna make clear to with this person.

Now looking back, I felt I so stupid last 2months was hoping I am pregnant for him even though he doesnt want me back at least I owned something between me n him. I don mind be single mother. Peoples around me they are super right, the MOST stupid thought I ever had.

Sometimes I will think what I did for him is worthwhile bcox he used to treating me good n blissful. But after seeing and found out those lies he told me, those bullshit stuff he did after broke up. He trying to be Mr. Good... If i doesn't found out the truth I still being soh hai there.

After broke up n think clearly, all the while he said wanna married and buy house with me... But no initiative. In fact, the dream of married n buying house is far away bcox of his spending. He still focus on his own endless interest. He said he felt guilty to his parents cox couldnt afford pay them, he act the same. Which make me think and analyse more rationally towards this person.

What make me felt sad the most is this person used to treated me so well, for him if he love he will treated you damn well.... when I wanna leave him, beg n cried n so emotional like shit to beg me back. But once he said "no feeling", he wont ever look at you one more eye, wont even respect you, wont even think you are dead or live. But im glad he did that to me, or else I cant let go this man.

A person used to be I love him so much in my life, why the ending has to be in such a way. If he respecting me and doesnt telling me those lies after broke up, at least I wont see the ending till so ugly. I wont seeing this person till so ugly.

Phew... everything is end. I am working hard for my acca exam this round. Moving my life forward. Im glad peoples around me all stop talking bout him, when I tried to talk bout him they stop me or change topic. Because they know he is a jerk.

Hopefully, yesterday night will be my last nightmare that I had. Xmas and cny coming then following by valentines. Have to be pretty pretty hopefully got some surprise for coming valentines. Hahaha.... His bday around the corner, luckily save money buying Ipad for him.... even though he cant get Ipad for his bday, perhaps his new gf maybe get something even better for him. God blessing the gal taking over my duty being soh hai for him. Cox it reminds me this year his bday I supposed to sacrificed buying new laptop and get the ipad for him. It reminds me I rather buying him more expensive watch to make him looks better infront of people instead a average/cheap one.

Welcome Christmas and year 2012.... I will be a better person in coming year. I will be happier person... I will be more cheerful... I will be more capable.

Year 2012 goals: BE A CAPABLE AND PRETTY HOT LADY.... cheers~!!!

Joke of the day

2011-12-05T01:19:00.003+08:00

Today something very funny happened which actually make me felt better. It keep me laugh for the whole evening....

I went to gym in my condo this evening, there is these guy... I can recognised him because I always saw him and the 1st impression when the 1st time I seeing this fella is "is a she/he"... after observing for 2days I knew he is a guy. He look like bout 30years old. Very thin and fair guy. He make me felt he so gay.

This evening while I was doing cardio, my dad went down to the cafe next to the gym room like usual. Im surprised my dad knew that guy. Perhaps he everyday there so knew this guy.

Guy: Uncle, the gal inside very sexy... she come down for gym almost everyday.

Dad: That is my daughter...

Guy: ...............

Hahahahaha.... Joke of the day.... Which part of me look sexy, usually Im just wearing my high school sport T shirt and a short pants which is not too short.... Weird..... Perhaps my shirt is see through when I sweat because is white colour. WTF.....

If I am him.... I sure feel extremely paiseh..... hahahaha.... better dig a hole and hide his face weh..... lolzzzz

God bless me

2011-12-04T23:32:00.004+08:00

Why..... why there are still people telling me bout his stuff.... Telling me how "LUM" is him... But I wont blame that guy who told me that just now cox he dunno anything bout it.

After knowing it, tears direct coming up from my eyes again. This afternoon while I was trying to study, while I listening MLTR "thats why u go", the moment we broke up, the moment in desa park city, what he told me on the phone and he message me all appears in my mind again. I felt the pain again.

This time exam I not even dare go to old town to study, bcox last time he used to accompany me study. It suddenly reminds me, the 1st exam when I pak toh with him, he purposely waited me at lower floor while I study at upper floor to take care of my safety. What a loving time. Thats why now I see back how well and sweet he treated Cole Faye just like a reflection.

If from the started, we change the position.... I dump him, all the while he treated me so damn good just like wat I did, I don appreciate and now I treated him this way... I am sure he will be treating me as if like his ex... I guess what he did even worse than me since he is a bad tempered and out of control person when his tempered come.

At least all this while I never compare him and another guy, at least I doesnt mention what sort of debts n how much is the debts is... At least I doesnt scold or enclose his stuff in fb or to his new gf. I oredi did something very good after broke up even though he treated me that way.

That moment he told me he suspecting me or my fren (could be he thought I asked my fren) message cole faye in fb telling his bad/p&c stuff. Well, he got so many stuff cannot be known. I am wondering how would she react and feel. But I am not such childish person doing all this, bcox by doing all this it wont make me happy. In fact, I am just down grading myself. I wont down grading myself, my pride, my dignity bcox of this man... Not worth it.....

Im not as cheap as him.... Doesnt know how much he have and get what type of gal, not to say I very good... I mean in general. Perhaps he feel PROUD a gal sent him flower, so leng lui some more... high market demand.

But think clearly and rationally, she so pretty... 28years old doesnt even look like she is 28.... I can felt she is active person. I bet there r many guys interested with her. Now she of cox have heart to him. What if after 3-6months... she found out his stuff... his family... his "REAL" tempered, throwing stuff.... beating stuff.... shouting... since she have more market out there, why she choose him? If she is rich.... why she need to down grade her self to comfort this man? If she can go through her self, how bout her family? Family member sure will think, "what this man can give u?" after heard so many stories of a rich gal pak toh wit average man. Plus he is not average man. He is not start from zero but negative.

He cant even give what I want to my current standard, how he going to give what the gal want. Perhaps he would strike jackpot, then possible.

He just make me felt, he don have such a big head but wearing such a big hat.

I know my appearance is not good enough to get a better guy, that is why I am enhancing myself everyday. But he is different, I am wondering is his debts increasing every month? Perhaps he got side income to cover... But side income is not a fixed and permanent income, how it going to cover all this permanent expenses?

What I am saying is not criticise him bcox he is my ex, just as general.... even if that is my normal fren I will be comment the same if think rationally.

I knew I oredi made a wrong mistake once for 2years bcox I don think so rationally. Thats why I wil think more rationale right now before starting a relationship. But he make me felt he still making the same mistake. Hurting another person. God bless Cole Faye when she knowing and seeing the truth and his real attitude.

Tiring week

2011-12-03T22:03:00.002+08:00

These whole week I was pretty busy... Tues till Fri everyday OT rushing for closing n on leave. Causes me tues to thurs din go workout at all... Feeling not used to it without workout. I noticed ever since I started workout I am more energetic. Last time usually 3-4pm I will be bloody sleep, but lately I less sleepy even though I only slept 6hours. Unlike last time slept for 7hours also not enough.

Yesterday middle of the night my leg cramp till Im awake and shout. No idea wats wrong wit my body. Causes this morning workout not so productive like usual.

Yesterday in office I was pretty tired and stressful. Brain feeling so tight, eyes so tired. After work went for swimming, then after dinner at home went to MV Library chilling with Kelly and eri. Chit chatting with a glass of red wine and the environment, the feeling seriously make me felt great. It help me destress myself. A very good and healthy way. In fact I feel like to party more than chilling. Hahaha..., but have to wait til after exam.

This morning I woke i up at 8.30am go workout even though last nite I slept at 2am. Right after workout, I went to Giza mall for 3treatments in true harmony. Lolz.... Reach there bout 11.20am and treatment ended at 5.20pm. In between just half an hour lunch break for myself. It seriously very tiring, I think I gonna sleep around 10pm. If not bcox of exam, I might be go to change new hair style, pedicure and medicure as well..... Then it will be perfect. Hhahahaha.... A true SIU LAI LAI life. But its not easy, very tiring as well.

I felt like changing new hairstyle so desperately, I make me feel like a new me. It as if a new life.

Early Nov I told myself I gave myself 1 more month to be sad, to cry.... Finally, I made it. Stop crying and so sad for him and looking forward with my new life.

Now I told myself again, I give myself 3months to let go this person in my heart and try to not to know any of his news about him bcox all I wanted to know I oredi know. All I wanted to see oredi seen it. Seeing or knowing him having bad time doesnt mean I will be happy. So no point of knowing cox it makes me harder to let go.

Thats the different with most of the man and woman. Woman usually need longer time to let go. Man maybe just a nite. The next day he forgot who you are. I don mind we broke up, I don mind he dont want me, I dont mind he got new gf. But I mind he doesnt respect me and keep on once and once again cheated on me.

A person that I dislike

2011-12-03T21:09:00.003+08:00

Finally started my exam leave... It left less than a week before for my papers... Seriously this time I have the least time to study. My mood is not fully recovered yet, sometimes will think of the moment he accompanied me study in old town and macdonald. Thats why I not dare go those places to study.

Not to the extent hate, but can be consider as dislike this man because he told me so much lies. Because he has brought me so much negative impact into my life. Today talked to the beautician about my vomiting and pimples stories. I told her, August failed for my acca, September broke up wit my 1st bf, October grandma passed away, November my ex chasing new gf and pak toh and gave me such a good bday present that I wil never forget. So "enjoy" my life in the past few months.

She told me, when a person stress reached to the max level where the mentally cant accept anymore it will causes vomiting and etc symptoms.

Lately talk so much lesser bout him, nothing to talk anymore. Go out yam cha wit frens and bro n sis oso din really talk bout him.

But he started to make me felt he so cheapo. Deleted ppl did such a childish stuff... Message me so called "clarify" but acting as Mr. Good told me 2 lies. N now I felt the gf quite rich from the way she dress up, her room environment, and went to uk study....

If yes she is rich.... I am so happy for Mr. Gan. Cox he found another person to support him. Plus same age wit him some more, financially sure much capable than me. If the gal damn rich one, if lucky... she oredi owned a house or family giving her a house... Congratz to him, cox he don even need to FAN buying houses and paying for the house installment stuff. Everyday back home maybe have maid serve him dinner. I doubt the rice the maid cooked wont be HARD to eat.

If in future, that is how it goes... ppl will said "sherryn, how is his life not yr biz anymore, his choice"... yes, definitely his choice. But.... I felt a bit shameful got such ex. Not a great man that I thought he is. Then people may think last time I "tip" zai. Kesian me, no ppl want me till I need to tip zai. So is that my biz?

Last day

2011-12-02T13:36:00.002+08:00

Today is last day of work before off for my study leave. Next fri I am having exam and yet I haven start study. Damn... I felt I am so useless and lazy. But lately I am seriously busy with work. Everyday also OT till I don even have time for workout. Really tiring.

This sat onwards will be doing gym everyday. Hopefully at the end of my study leave my working pants langsung cannot wear. Hahaha.... In fact now wear until very ugly... Too big... Time for shopping. In fact don wanna shop so early... cox later cannot wear again. Very waste money... But no choice, force to buy. =(

I wondering is it because of exercise or my supplement or the slimming treatment. Lately my physical wasnt as tired as last time. Even though I not enough sleep the day before, but im not as sleepy as before this. Feeling myself so much healthier.

我的华文blog

2011-12-02T09:24:00.001+08:00

我要开始学好我的华文字因为我觉的我需要做好我自己。我很努力在让我自己每一天很开心的生活。我要让其他人让到我不开心，每一天真的很痛苦。这个日子我不想要。现在我开始很开心因为我要见到的东西我见到了。我哭也哭够了。不开心也不开心够了。现在不如每一天做我自己开开心心。不要去想那个贱人让到我不开心。我要爱我自己多一点。我不爱别人多过我自己了。。。

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我的感觉

2011-12-01T17:04:00.001+08:00

我朋友很我说最近我爱上了我一个很好的朋友。他们说我最近很喜欢说只一个人。everything 我也可以说到他，他对我的人和生活影响。坦是不没有realised到我喜欢了他。我感觉到我不可以和他在一起因为我感觉到我和他是不一样type的人。我不想再犯同样的错误。我会风啊。。。。我的天啊。。。为什么我可以同一个时间心里有两个人。我真的很烦。一个不有我的人。。。一个是影响到我生活很思想的人。两个人我每天都想他们。我会风啊。。。早上我想我那个朋友，晚上我想那个贱男人。我谁也不想去想，我之想美每一天让到我自己快乐很很美就好了。。。

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Liar

2011-12-01T13:39:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I found out he once again lied on me. Even post broke up still acting like Mr. Good... So called not childish and guts. Such a big liar... That moment, me and my frens all said I am so lucky that I leaved this liar. Rather than after married I found it out.

What the visiber thingy said bout him is right.... he is a good liar.... very very good in lying. A lot things that the visiber told me about me, him n other ppl around me is so accurate. I was hesitated bout the is a good liar when he told me about it. Then I was tried to recalled those things happened last time and this time what ever he did... He proven to me is a good liar.

The visiber said his life wont be stable/good/smooth till the age of 50, which what exactly my mom said chinese bday oso saying bout him last time. I don mind work with him together, but whats the point of working so hard with a man who is lying me?

I noticed that my financially now much better. At least don need to spend money for buying Ipad2, anniversary gift... Every month try to support him and sacrificed my own stuff worried that he not enough money used. I spending the money all on me. Enhancing myself everyday.

I guess he is using his credit card to support his current pak toh expenses. Especially at the beginning stage will be spending more. I knew it because last time I did paid on it, but I am not trying to say that I am sooooo good and kind or he is owing me anything. All bcox I love him and do it willingly so no one to blame. It just that I know how costly and how much he can pay on it.

The gal is 28years old, I am wondering how long can she wait for him to save money buy house and the expenses to get married. All the best.... Because I will be looking for a better one as well. Be capable and pretty lady in future, no longer work for a man like soh hai but the man cheating on me. I deserve a better one.

Unknown

2011-11-30T09:06:00.002+08:00

Yesterday I was too free nothing to do and kepoh his stuff from ppl, they told me that he back with the gal. Within my expectation. With his attitude impossible he wont chase and beg for the gal back. Or else I wouldnt get back to him after saying broke up for several times. That few mins my heart was a bit uncomfortable but I wasn't feel sad. Right after that I am alright.

Well, the only thing I can said is wishing them best of luck in everything because I am very sure in future I will definitely get someone good, love me and financially and career better than him. This is what peoples around me told me. If I am a person who treated the bf very well, and being hurt... The god knows.... Thats why the god is giving me another chance to give me a better one. Someone who sincerely love me, putting my happiness as his priority, someone who hug me, pampered me when Im sad and not the one sitting there telling me "dear, why are crying.... don cry la..." When we just started pak toh he told me that "I wont leave u alone when u cry".... sounds good..... The reason he changed bcox I cried too much. Then he shouldnt said that in the first place. It only 2years+, what if 10more years?

Since I wanted broke up with him for several times but Im not cruel enough like him. So it will be a good ending for US.

Im like seeing the same old drama repeating. Last time he from chasing Rae, knowing me, chase me and pak toh it just less than a month time. Wow... that time he like rae so much till gave him few hundred bucks watch as bday present. Now, he from broke up with me, knowing the gal, chase the gal and pak toh with the gal in 1 and the half month time. But that time he wasn't pak toh with rae yet. But me and him we pak toh for so long.

He taught me a lesson, a guy that can so fast let go a person and choose me, it will happen to me as well. It does.... The starting of the relationship definitely will be great, otherwise they both wont start. Just the matter of time.... This is what I learned as well.... When starting me and him super good and sweet.... which relationship dont?

I noticed right now I am much patience compared with last time after going through this nonsense and working my current job.

Be patience and wait for the miracle. I am giving 2-3months to myself and something beyond everyone expectation would happen. I swear it will happen.

Dreamssss

2011-11-28T14:36:00.002+08:00

Such a long time did not slept for 10hours without awake middle of the night.

But last night had lots of dreams... Dreaming of ryan again... When I woke up, my heart got some kind of feeling which I dunno how to describe.

Today wanted to start study... exam around the corner.... But thinking back the moment he accompany me study. I asked myself don think. Pointless.

This morning workout just like normal, below than what I want. So for me consider like very productive. But after workout my arms and tight muscle pain. After lunch still feeling whole body like no energy.... My upper tight its not fully recover from fri nite "workout" yet. But luckily still alright. Coming few days I don think have time for workout cox need to OT. Feeling a bit guilty.

Tired + lazy day to study... But acca is my barriers of doing a lot things, so no matter what I need to complete it by next year. No more dragging....

Single Life

2011-11-27T22:28:00.006+08:00

Single life is full of freedom, full of personal time. In fact 99% time all belong to my own and don have to report to anyone.

I can do what ever I want go anywhere I like... But sometimes keep on hanging out too much... Feeling so tired. Still missing the moment stay at home watching drama. I wont deny that it is kinda boring bcox we are too much of it.

But sometimes when alone really felt lonely, wish my love one could accompany me. Loneliness always drive a woman crazy. I noticed I started don love that man anymore. I started to felt he seems like a stranger to me, but this stranger let me felt deep inside my heart we had gone through a lot things. Being with each other for a long period. Used to be the closest person in my life which even more close than my family. I think goes the same to him, bcox im the only person knew him so well, knew all his stuff. But that doesnt mean anything. Bcox it will faded away and becoming history.

2hours ago, I was afraid when I listening to Shiga Lin "Im still loving you" I cry until very sad. In fact Im not. 2drops of tears falling from my eyes while singing the song, but this time unlike last time. I sang it with full of feeling, but this time all the moment between me and him doesnt cross into my mind. Cant even remember or maybe bcox my mind don wanna think all those moment.

Lately I noticed I doesnt talk bout this person anymore. Maybe I have talked enough or maybe bcox I knew tat if I keep on talking on him I will never let go. I will be even more painful.

Missing him, sometimes yes. But it is so much lesser. Bcox when ever I started to miss him I asked myself don think. and it works.

Hate him? angry him? heartache bcox of him? all this feeling no more.... Im still looking forward the day I let go him and be fren with him. Definitely wont be this moment. Probably another 3-6months time.

People around me keep on telling me that the best way to let go the old one is to find a new attractive one. Just like what he doing, thats why I never blame him. But I still unable to find a man that attracted me. Giving me the feeling of mysterious... The feeling to know the person more. Maybe lately Im doesnt know any new frens. Lolz.

That is the reason why I wanna work freelance, cox staying in office wouldnt have the opportunity to know more ppl. Cant wait to complete my ACCA and go to sales and marketing.

Jack said, I have the life of being top sales... I will be very outstanding and doing very well in sales or a job that using "mouth" to earn money. Which make up my mind that I will spend 6months to 1year in sales and marketing, if not doing well will back to finance. I trusted him bcox he said a lot things very true. So I decided to have a try, but provided I managed to complete my ACCA by next year.

By the time I will be having more chances expose to more people. Perhaps I should give myself more chances, seeing more people before choose my life partner.

I dunno why, tonite I have the feeling feel like married. Not bcox I don wanna work and wanted to married. Just felt wanna settled down my personal life. Single life its fun, but it will be tiring as well. Or should I play around for few more years before settled down for the rest of my life.

Lifestyle

2011-11-27T17:53:00.003+08:00

OMG.... I signed up another slimming + facial package... Another 2k..... sigh.....

But never mind... there is a price for beauty.... Hardwork and money... something cannot be avoidable... Better slim down now before the age of 25... Otherwise the metabolism will be even lower and harder to slim down and much easier to get fat... Oredi spent 2600... hanging half way... must well spend another 2k to see excellent result.

Targeting to slim down 5kgs more.... hehehe.... right now oredi slim down 4-5kgs... another 4-5kgs to go..... I believe workout + treatment will definitely can make it....

Once I slim down, I feeling so desperately to make a tattoo on my back.... it will looks more sexy... As I know it will be quite costly... sigh... I think I better gao dim my slimming stuff 1st only go for tattoo... no more installment.... unless will pay off the installement ASAP... which I will....

Like this tattoo... But it seems like not colourful enough, dunno whether able to cover my scar or not.

This one seems not bad, but only the top flower, not the 1 in the medium and the lowest 1.... its too much.

This will be more to like ART... but it wont b in this size... it just something like this but of cox the size will be like my scar size....

I am wondering whether my family can accept it or not... I am wondering when old or fat will it look even ugly? I am wondering in future when my children ask me "mummy, I want do tattoo", if i said "No"... and they ask me "mummy, why is yr back with a tattoo?"... I really dunno how to answer them. LOlz

Certified K.O.

2011-11-27T00:56:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was having a super great night with darling Eri and Kelly in Zouk... Then meeting up Cindy over there. The 1st time met Cindy and she is really a nice and frenly lady. Nice to meet her last night.

Me and Eri was pretty surprised that Kelly said she wanted go clubbing... Hahaha... So in the end, we 3 fella go party... But it is seriously very very very fun. Finally the party gal sherryn is back in town after stop party for years. It as if back to my party life, the party mindset and party heart like last time. This afternoon I still remember yesterday moment... It is so fun n memorable....

Unfortunately, non of us manage to fish any lobster last night.... It is either SI HAM or LALA..... sigh... sienz betul.... But that doesnt really affect our mood.

Too bad last nite I wasnt drink enough bcox have to drive. How nice if I don have to drive and can drink more.

Before we heading to the club, while make up in Kelly house... Me n her started drinking Chivas. I admit I did something very wrong last night. I was a bit wing and yet insist to drive instead of let eri drive it, Almost bang a car while driving to zouk. Phew.... It is really lack of concentration after drinking liquor. But my condition wasnt as bad as the time when I drink in beer factory. That time I still managed to drive and fetch 4ppls bak home safely. Hmmmm.....

happy moment.... =)

Yesterday night slept at 4.30am... and yet this morning still manage to woke up 10.30am... and 11am go for 40mins cardio... wash my clothes.... evening time go treatment then dinner + yam cha with lai yee till 12am...

Yesterday night "workout" it is more effective that my 40mins workout on the treadmill machine. My leg muscle so painful while I tried to run on the treadmill machine. But luckily still able to walk fast on hiking mode. Not bad.

Really K.O. Never felt so tired and exhausted.

I seems like very heat and going to sick. Neck and shoulder vein so painful.... Thought of wake up at 8am workout before go for my treatment in early morning. But I am seriously tired and painful. Will go for my workout in the evening when back from treatment and finding ppl lepaking after treatment.

Tomoro gonna sign up another slimming package which cost me another 2k.... Phew..... Treatment + workout it is seriously very effective way to slim down and maintain. But my face pimples really terrible... after gao dim body..... Then will do my face.... Time to change new skin care, band shiseido....

Feeling so desperately wanna do Tattoo on my back scar when I slim down.... I think it will look sexy rather than currently so ugly.

Time passes pretty fast... oredi 1.30am... time to sleep... Good nitezzzzz

A night with Apple

2011-11-25T08:51:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was having dinner with Apple and have a long chat with her.

She told me that after broke up its not the matter how long and how well with the ex anymore. Is how attractive is the new partner to attracted you. I am very agreed with her. Thats why I told her I never angry ryan that enter into new relationship even though it is very fast. Perhaps Cole Faye really attracted him so much. It will definitely goes the same if there is some one appears and attracted me so much. As I said last time, high likelihood I will be same like him.

She said if she were Cole Faye, if really like ryan.... The past is the past.... What between them is future. As long as he is change and working hard. I am very agreed with her again. That is why previously I said I would accept ryan back even he have nothing and willing to change. We work hard together.

Apple told me, she noticed that I actually don't love ryan anymore. This ques I am hesitate... I really dunno bout it. But well, time will proof everything.

Today I much more happier, this morning in the bus I noticed I no longer angry or sad towards this person. I noticed I enhancing myself not bcox of showing him how well am I now... Is bcox to increase my self confidence. and of cox when look at myself prettier I am much happier. As long as he don message me, contact me or doing something stupid again. In future, if we able to be fren I don mind. Let go.... See things openly... life its much more happier and beautiful. =)

Lately I noticed I got plenty of free time... Doing a lot stuff... Go for gym.... find frens yam cha....Now exam around the corner, sigh.... exam again... stupid acca changed the P3 time table. It make it 2days earlier which I have less 2 days to study... damn...

After exam will be busy for transformation. Hahaha.... Then thought of attending the "visiber" class to learn about the "visiber".... some of my frens may think im superstitious or spend the time at somewhere better. But different people different interest.

Aiming next year March will go for marathon, Bareno runs, 5km will do. Lolz.... Lately very hardworking building my stamina. Cox I know without stamina I cannot do anything. Running, hiking, badminton, dancing and those classes.... Dont think about it.... I sure cannot take it.

Think Positively

2011-11-24T13:34:00.002+08:00

This few days I keep on thinking of him.... Suffering... Especially when it comes to night time, started to emo. I don wanna be like last time, emo most of the time.

From morning till now while working I keep on telling myself think positively... I almost forgot what I reminded myself last few weeks.

"ME AND HIM SOONER OR LATER ALSO WILL BROKE UP BECAUSE WE DON'T MATCH.... MUST WELL BROKE UP NOW.... "

"WE ARE NOT TRULY HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER, WE ARE BORED WITH OUR LIFE"

Love.... No matter how much I love him also useless cox he don't love me anymore.

Hate.... The more I think of hate him, the more sad I will be.

Time..... This is what I need the most. Within this period don't wanna see or heard anything bout him. Just as if he is disappear in my life.

Just putting my point of view to different anger. Maybe I will see life differently.... Much more beautiful.

Whether how much he cheat me.... How much he hurt me... I shouldn't think anymore. Cox me n this person is no more future. So no need kira so much who is right who is wrong. God will knows.

Just like he got dump by Cole Faye, god knows it... Before that happened, I was think positively and letting go.... Without doing anything or saying it... He will have his karma.... If I keep on being so stubborn holding it, im the one who suffer... He wont feel anything. Must well I see it openly....

Maybe I am trying to cheating myself right now... but at least I feel more comfortable at this moment. When you telling a lies thousands of time, the lies will eventually becoming the truth cox you couldnt differentiate whether it is a lie or truth.

Sherryn Leonggggg..... it is pointless to think so much... just think "he don suits me, sooner or later we will break up... I can find someone who can give me the real happiness in future" its enough......

Im not strong enough

2011-11-24T09:15:00.004+08:00

I was awake again middle of the night... This morning is the Day 3 of taking medicine since he message me mon morning....

Yesterday I asked my mom is better that she n dad not going to my brother house tonite. Im afraid they will saying anything especially my dad. He is attending I think bcox he wanna proof that he has the guts to face my family.

My mom said that why must I avoid him? I don't wanna see him bcox Im loving myself. I don't wish to vomit and having nitemare after see him. He seems like some1 very terrible for me, once seeing or heard anything from him it will makes me vomit and having nitemare.

This time I really no idea how long it going to takes me to heal from the pain. The super deep wound. I wondering when will it recover.

I just cant wait for myself to slim down.... Thought of signing up another slimming package this weekend. Sigh.... gonna cox my pocket deeply painful again. But think another way, thats the money I save from buying Ipad. Work freelance job on weekend once slimming successful. Thought of working night job with better pay and knowing more peoples...

I noticed I am too naive, I noticed I am not seeing enough bad guys.... I noticed I am super weak.... I noticed I am not polluted enough. So I have to train myself, seeing more bad people.... Dealing with more bad ppl... In order to learn how to protect myself more.

Im used to be very tough person last time, everything settled on my own and independent. In this 2 and half years he pampering me too much till I started to be very weak. It is not easy to learn to be strong, but is possible.

Last few weeks I was alright after accepting the facts he have gf and think positively. All this happened again thanks to him for giving me such a good bday present on my bday and I noticed all the words he said is like a bullshit which making me so angry cox I felt he like cheating on me. But every moment when I cool down or emo... I will started to forgive him in my heart.

I am speechless

2011-11-23T23:07:00.002+08:00

Just now went to my 2nd brother house. He told me ryan is attending his house warming tomoro. I am wondering why he will come? To shows that he have the guts to face everyone? or he knows I will avoid him???

So coincident that Apple is asked me for dinner tomoro since last week. But I do thought of going awhile before this. But now I wont go at all... I don want vomited over and over again. I don want to have nitemare and awake middle of the night again.

Day time and night time I am as if 2 persons. When comes to night, I am so fucking emo again. My feeling its exactly like the song "Im still loving you" by shiga lin.

Everyday I am trying to criticise as much as possible, I want him to hate me... Because thats the best way of loving myself. I am fucking afraid there is a day where I will fall in love to this man again and go through the same pain. I am really afraid. Its really almost causing me go to see psychology and take psychology's medicine. It is so difficult for me to stop vomiting and can sleep well.

The quotes is so right... Love need not be perfect, as long as it is true. He is not perfect, but I can felt last time the feeling we towards each other is true. I been thinking why I can with such a man for 2years? Because I truly love him. Because we trust each other.... Thats why we nvr check on each other. Because we are comfortable with each other. Pampering each other. Taking care each other. But everything its end right now... He no longer love me anymore which is the facts. His heart is only Cole Faye now.... I am wondering will he be sadder than breaking up with me? If yes, I am really speechless...

I felt myself so useless... so ugly... Writing all this ugly stuff let ppl knowing how weak am I... I am suppose to be live life happily to show to him that I still able to be very happy even though without him. I should make myself as pretty to let him know his is lost....

The only things I can said I am a real soh hai that still waiting him here, still loving him so much deep inside my heart which I cant bluff myself.

Feeling

2011-11-23T09:06:00.002+08:00

Last night I keep on avoiding myself from listening sad songs because I know that I will emo. So I chosen not to listen. Luckily yesterday I wasn't awake middle of the night again. But this morning when I woke up my stomach feeling not well again, just like the same symptoms that I had last month and again.... relying on medication again.... sigh....

I seriously dislike the feeling of having medication before every meal. Hopefully this wont be serious and last that long this time. I think it wont. Because there is no way I will heard bout his stuff anymore. Its good thing for me he deleted everyone even though what he did its very over. But well, in the end he is the one that loose his image in his frens and ppl's heart.

Malaysia isn't that big, sooner or later he will be meeting my frens or someone related to my frens again. That is why I wont be doing something over to anyone besides the person is very very over just like ryan gan. He is the first person that I hate and sad the most... He is the first person that I criticised the most not because what I helping him in terms of financial or non financially. Because Im the one willingly do it so no one I could blame on. But his behaviour, things that he said its totally bullshit.... Things that he did and with the nonsense reason which is so unacceptable.

I seriously don't understand why this morning when I woke up I still misses him. Oh gosh.... But luckily that doesn't affect my mood today because something make myself very happy so it brighten my days.

The rain and storm is gone.... that is why I see a beautiful rainbow last sat. and Sunday he kena dump, the gal rather trust someone else but not him... what a joke.... hahaha.... Is that mean god is helping me? But im really curious who is that person, I bet he must be having hard time that he din know who is that person who checking his background and what is the next thing the person going to do.

Nightmare

2011-11-23T00:10:00.001+08:00

Today i noticed that ryan blocked me in watsapp. I think he don want i disturb his life. well, that is a good thing for me. bcox i rather he doing all this so i will love myself even more. He deleted my fb frens n family also a good thing for me, so i totally dunno bout his stuff. i am very very afraid that he will chase or contact or find me. my feeling wanted it so much, but i know it very well it gonna be nitemare for me. yday he message me oredi cox me vomited this morning n awake last nite. i really don wish bak to wat i went through last month. think of food oso feel vomit. eat wat, drink wat... all vomited out. i don want eat medicine anymore. doctor even said if the gastric medicine not working he may give me medicine to reduce my tension. Today when i told my AM bout my vomiting n awake she ask me don ever ever bother bout this person stuff anymore. I dunno when it started that this person become nitemare for me. don wanna see, contact him anymore. well is good that he took the childish action deleted all my frens n family. I am wondering will stacy telling others bout this. if yes, his reputation in sg buloh gone... ppl may good to him, but in their heart think differently. this is the consequences do things without think twice n follow emotions. but i know he wont regret. he is the "MAN" wat. im seriously wondering who is the mysterious person behind told his new ex his bad stuff. wondering wil that happen to his next target. hahaha.... i think this moment he must b very sad n frustrated cox he dunno who is tat person who spoil the rship between he n the pretty n young gf. well, i wont deny the cole faye looks great. but the ques is....... i think smart ppl wil know what is the ques that i wanna say.

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Cheer up~!!!

2011-11-22T10:24:00.003+08:00

Sherrrrrrryn Leonggggg.... You have to cheeeeeeer up...

DO NOT DISAPPOINT YOUR FRIEND

BE CHEERFUL

BE HAPPY

LIVE LIFE FULLEST

LIVE LIFE HAPPILY

BE PRETTY

SAY BYE BYE TO SADNESS AND WELCOME HAPPINESSSSSSSSS

KICK THOSE BAD MAN FAR FAR AWAY..... JIN LAM YAN... CHAO LAM YAN.....

Hate

2011-11-22T08:56:00.003+08:00

This moment, I really hate myself so much for being so useless and oso hating him so much.

I hate myself why do I still love this man.

Capabilities - He don't even have capabilities to married me and just enough for himself and yet its haven fully satisfied his interest.

Responsibilities - He don't even responsible to his family and as a bf when pak toh with me last time.

Stability - His financially is so unstable... and yet his interest is endless.

Selfish - His priority will only come first than others.

Childish - He think he is not, but in fact he still make me felt so. The moment he watsapp me is proven. Is that necessary for him to clarify to me that he is not childish?

Liar - He is a good liar.... What he said and what he did after that is 2 different things.

I really don understand why I stil unable to let go him.... He have nothing and attitude like shit. 100% not an ideal husband. My feelings it just like the lyrics... Its exactly how I felt. A man who hurt me once and once again. A man who treated me so badly... A man who dunno how to appreciate me... But why I still cant let go him.

A woman who treated him so good. A woman who always be there for him. A woman who keep on support him. A woman who keep on waiting for him when he once and once again deeply hurting her. But he can let go super easily.

My vomiting symptoms is back again this morning, I was awake again middle of the night. My face full of pimples, when I look into the mirror I felt myself so damn ugly... I felt I am so useless... Why because of this man causes me all this.

What Joe said to me last fri nite was damn right.... He started to knowing me so well when Im even bluffing to myself. I thought I almost let go, but deep inside my heart is not.

Why must he keep on haunting me..... It is unnecessary for him to watsapp me to clarify he is not childish. Its not important for me... He don't even have to tell me that he and the new gf GAME OVER.... Why must he so DOH 9 YU.... doing extra unnecessary stuff.... His clarification is not important for me because the reason is so unacceptable and not even a "sorry" that he did all that.

"Im still loving you" by Shiga Lin

2011-11-21T22:19:00.002+08:00

Laiyee dedicated me a song in facebook which lately Im quite addicted and makes me feel like sing k.... Meaningful lyrics....

When I close my eyes I think of you
And the times we've had been through
Even though we're far apart right now
I remember back when you were here with me
How you've made my world complete
But now I'm left alone

We talked about love and hope
Wishing we could start a life our own
I wish that I could live without you
Why did you tear my heart apart
You said you'd love me from the start

All those painful things you've put me through
But I'm still loving you
I've tried to give my best to you
I don't deserve the things you do
Everything has gone to memories
I just wish I knew the truth behind the lies

God listen to my heart

2011-11-21T13:39:00.003+08:00

This morning ryan watsapp me to clarify he ain't childish and the reason he deleted my friends n family fb. But well, that isn't a valid reason because he himself said the one disturbed his NEW EX is the gal posted in his fb. Plus he don't have to deleted all, why must he deleted stacy? He knew her for so long.... If deleted stacy... why not delete her brother n sis? Why must he deleted my 2nd sis in law but still keeping my eldest brother.

From what he said, I am sure of something.... someone checking his background. No wonder ever since me n him broke up he have so many issues in fb... Fake fb account with his pic... someone posted on his wall.... But that is not my business anymore as I not related to him anymore.

What makes me felt is that as if god listen to my heart. God knows I am sad, been crying for so long for a man who don't love me and wanted to suicide some more. I been scarified so much for a man who dunno how to appreciate me.... I suffered from vomiting for a month, medication for weeks. My colleagues wanted send me to hospital for dripping. That moment he is chasing another gal there, who stab me once more... a deep one... He doesn't even bother my feeling at all.... He doesnt even care of my faces at all. The moment of break up he said he felt guilty and sorry to me... But after a month chase another 1... This called sorry and guilty? My assss.... Mid of October in Desa park city he said he need time to let go, wont kao another gal in short term. But after 2-3weeks chasing another one til sooooo sentimental in FB.... What he said its not like what he did.... Just same like towards me last time about marriage, saving money... Felt guilty to his parents cant give them money. In the end..... he did something else.

I was so happy throughout the 3days birthday celebration. Feeling myself so blissful and happy... And what I angry the most is he chosen that day to deleted all my friends and family in fb which spoiled my mood. What a good birthday present he gave me...

I been suffering from nitemares... Dreaming the moment of broke up, when I woke up the next day my heart was so painful and cried. I been delaying my own credit card debts in order to financially support him last few months n now stil clearing it. Luckily its not much.

I just found out that the gal is Cole Faye but that doesn't mean anything to me. Now.... Me and my friends doesn't saying or doing anything.... and yet someone else spoiling his new relationship. The god hear me... The god listen to my heart.

Childish & Stupid

2011-11-19T23:55:00.002+08:00

Childish is the only word I can used to describe what he did last night. He deleted all my friends and family in fb after so many weeks. Probably because he wanna enclose his relationship with the gal but he dont have the guts to face my friends and family bcox he felt worried or scared to what he did to me. such a cowards guy I ever met. He deleted stacy is the one make me frustrated the most as he knew her for more than 10years. Even know his sis and brother well.... How could he do that. He is hurting my friends.

Most of them are so frustrated and think he is super childish that doing this bcox he is creating enemies from frens. My frens even told me is common he chasing new gal after broke up since he is single. The most important me n my friends knowing very well that no matter the gal exist or not me and him will break off in future. I seriously cannot accept and felt shameful that I ever pak toh with this type of small gas, childish and stupid man. Joe said, at least he is my ex rather than current gf. hahahaha....

He is the one that hurt me, the one that chasing another gal, and now he is the one that deleted all this. He let me seen that how "mou ching" can a person be. I felt angry bcox he is hurting my frens, we broke up peacefully, I can accept that he got new gf and why must he do that. If that gal is jealous or what.... means she is so childish as well.

Before he doing that I do think of don mind to be friend with him, at least if we ever meet at somewhere can say "hi" or smile. But he don even wish that.

Stupid is the word to describe myself to what I have did in the past 2 years. The 1st half year we are truely happy and loving. But after that no more.

He said the gal worth for him to wait bcox "she trusted on me no matter how bad is situation is, a word can make her smile, a "hi" could brighter her day". WTF.... There is another "so poh" there going through the hard time with him, who doesnt leave him when he don even have a car and full of debts, who financially and non financially support, who willing to sacrified her stuff in order to get something he wants to make him happy bcox she think that as long as he happy everything is worth it. In return what she need just to marry this man even though he have nothing. Now I woke up from being a "SO HAI".... Let another so hai continue doing that to him if he lucky enough.

James is right.... If he earlier on feeling faded, why on June when I said I broke up he wanna bak together? He just wanted to take me as backup. Someone there be his SO HAI....till he found someone good and dump me.... what ever, one thing I am very sure is he is my Mr. WRONG.... and good luck to the new SO HAI in his life. I am lucky as I am more clever now cox I learned my lesson.

H.A.P.P.Y B.I.R.T.H.D.A.Y

2011-11-18T13:58:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday to meeeeee..... Another year older. Hahahaha....

This year I am really happy, I noticed I am much happier than my last birthday celebration which is just makan in Tenji and did not really talk and pak toh and he just playing with his phone.

I felt myself so blissful. Friends celebrating for me. I got my best birthday present from my friends which is "happiness".

Being celebrated continuous 2 nights.... tonight if no one date me then will b celebrating wit my family. Means will be continuous 3 nights.... Yipeeeee~!!!!!

I noticed my life much happier without him as Im not sticking with someone that I don't love and watching drama at home most of the time and lack of topic. But hanging out with friends and chit chat all the time.

Really love this moment so much.....

This moment

2011-11-14T13:26:00.002+08:00

After crying for 2days in past few days, yesterday the moment seeing his super sweet post in fb doesn't makes me big reaction as I thought I will.

I doesn't feel like crying, maybe I cried enough. Or maybe as kelly said I still can keep it till 1 day when something happened I will explode. I dunno.... Don't wanna think for the future since it haven comes yet.

This morning I woke up at 5.30am. I'm unable to fall asleep. A lot things cross into my mind. Kelly and Joe's word as if whispering in my ears. Kelly said no matter the gal exist now or later, me and him sooner or later will broke up since the problems is between me and him. It is so true... I started to think we are not match. we don have common interest which causes not much topic to talk. we have different goals which lead us have different attitude. Most of the time we talk, we also talk bout our daily life. our frens. Thats it.

Then joe said actually me n him together I feel bored. He asked me don't bluff to myself. The sentence "don't bluff to yr self" keep on whispering in my ears. The sentence kelly said "sooner or later u will broke up 1 day" also whispering in my ears as if waking me up.

I started to realised the moment we started to be together is too fast. We are click bcox we are just talking bout our past, daily life and bull shit. Din knowing each other well before together. All the while he said he cant do all the sweet stuff not bcox his characteristic. It just that im not the rite person that will make him do all that. Its proven from what he wrote in his fb lately. He found his happiness. He is not wrong to find his happiness. If this moment, we still together... and the boring life. An ideal guy who chasing me or I like him. I might be doing what ryan doing rite now as well.

It just bcox he is my first love which hardly to let go. But I think its good for us to be broke up. I believe we still able to be fren if his gf don mind.

healthy life style

2011-11-11T22:24:00.001+08:00

since wednesday up to today i everyday do exercise. wed n thurs cardio. today swimming. tomoro morning wil go cardio before going out whole day. tomoro wil be happening day. cardio, lunch, facial, slimming then mayb dinner n yam cha. moving forward towards my life. good for me. im happy. ppl around me wil happy seeing me moving forward. the positive way to let go n living life.

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linkages

2011-11-11T22:12:00.001+08:00

i pass the sim card to my bro pass to him tomoro n get bak my laptop we got no more linkages. i really felt so ng seh dak. but no choice. i have too. we are end. truely end. tears dropping from my eyes again. people that knowing the stuff between me n him. all said im lucky broke up with him. if one day i be him back everyone will scolding me.... even though he aint perfect, even though he cant give me stay in bungalow, even though he cant bring me to maldives. up to this moment i stil felt no regret wit him. if he still need my help, he wil stil b my priority. his bday coming soon. thought of buying him ipad since early of the year. too bad i doesnt have the chances to make him happy once again. that is something he wanting it for so long. his happiness is my priority. thats y i broke up with him cox i don wanna see him suffer. i wont annoyed his life.

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37days to go

2011-11-11T11:13:00.002+08:00

37days to go I will be doing transformation which is a week b4 xmas.... That is my target. hahaha... hopefully by the time i managed to slim down a lot... or else my target cannot achieve.

Today feeling much better.... Yesterday nite was fucking emo. Luckily I went to look for anna in order to make myself feel better instead of staying at home. Anna asked me what do I want for my birthday present... I only answered her a word... "HAPPINESS". Nothing is what I desperately want it besides happiness.... Been going through so many things in the past few months.

August failed my acca.... September broke up... October grandma passed away. Finally Nov something good which is my birthday.

December will have transformation.... January Chinese new year... Happy things will keep on coming right after that. Finally I go through the dark... started to see the dawn. and when the times come... I will see sunshine.

Yesterday bring my car to service. After serviced I felt it is so much different. Much smoother... The break was having problem.... The auto oil was damn dirty.... This is what I felt since the 1st day getting back my car. He make me felt he n my brother really din take care my car well. So shitty.....

Ex

2011-11-10T18:30:00.001+08:00

The feeling of seeing and knowing yr ex chasing another gal its extremely painful. The pain it just like the day we broke up. Deeply one. can feel it as if one stab one stab stabbing right into my heart. i am extremely stupid. i even thought of looking for him tonite. but i know i cant. i tot of sms him. i told myself don. i am feeling so suffering now.

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He (2)

2011-11-10T16:51:00.001+08:00

When I ever I told ppl there is possibility I would accept him all of them shaking head and scolding me there. I will only accept him provided he changed. But I told myself, never be a stupid woman that will ever think and expecting the man change. Joe is so agreed with me.

Anna and doctor tong is right. We took 2 n half year to build our rship. It is impossible for me to forget and let go in such a short period.

Besides him so heartless. Radical changes in 2months. Desperate freak.

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Unknown

2011-11-10T10:27:00.001+08:00

Yesterday afternoon I was cried few times. Yesterday nite while on the way find anna n in anna's hse I was cried like mad. But after chilling out with anna n joe I felt much better. At least when bak home I wasnt cry anymore.

This morning I woke up the pain is gone or "hiding". But at least this moment I feeling better. this morning I woke up don even feel like wanting to know his update. Probably bcox yday I was had a deep stab rite into my heart.

I am very curious... With his attitude, the way he chase gal last time, ppl around me... I am wondering this time he chase this gal so aggreasively. He looks very desperate. He as if insulting him self.
well, that is not my problem anymore. Jus don mempersiasuikan my past that I pak toh wit such a desperate guy before.

I am working towards my goal.... I want everyone have this "wow" feeling to me.... That I improved so much after broke up. Complete my acca.... Get better lifestyle next time.

Im giving myself 2months to slim down 3-5kgs.... Treatment + diet + exercise.....

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Painful

2011-11-09T11:56:00.001+08:00

I asked myself not to cry bcox of him. Just now I went to clinic get my.result. The doctor said I am consided very very healthy. So my vomiting is due to my psychological problem.

The doctor asked me bout my rship stuff n I cried. Until now I am non stop crying. Finally I cannot tahan anymore.

It just like another deep stab to my heart. A very deeply one.

I told myself I will stand up... I told myself I wil be pretty.... I told myself I will complete my acca. I told myself I wil like happily n many guys waiting for me. ryan gan is jus nothing. He have nothing.

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Hurt

2011-11-09T10:27:00.001+08:00

I felt so hurtful and painful when I know he is in the progress or pak toh now.

2 months ago he stil seeing houses in I.property for our future. A month later we broke up. Another month later he got new gf.

A deeply painful feeling. I told myself don cry for a man which oredi not love me and have new gf.

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He

2011-11-09T09:50:00.001+08:00

I think he is in the progress or oredi pak toh now. If I din guess wrongly that gal should be cole faye. Someone who is much much prettier than me.

When I heard of his stuff from ppl around me I am still heartache. But I told myself its ok. As he is not the type I want. I should let go.

No wonder he able to let go so fast as he has new target. This is man. He seriously enhanced my experienced towards man.

The gal much prettier than me which really motivates me to work even harder to enhance myself.

Sherryn leong you can do it.

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Perfect

2011-11-09T08:12:00.001+08:00

This morning when I woke up feeling miss him. But I asked my feeling don overcome my rationale.

This morning I felt nth bout the laptop n simcard anymore. Maybe bcox I don mind anymore.

I suddenly think of a ques in my mind, since he have so many weaknesses why I be with him so long? Bcox of love. Love no need be perfect as long as he is true. At least he don have affair out there. At least he is honest to me. Or bcox he is a good liar???

Many woman and rationale told me "love" cannot secured a future. With his income he only afford to pay half of the housing loan n utilities n provided if he din give money to his parents, diving, buying this n that. He don even afford to feed a baby.

If he really got heart and wanting married so much last time, he wil work hard n save money no matter how. If he have the heart to give his parents money goes the same. But he only think. He rather buying a raquest cost rm 600 rather than 300. He rather buy a forte than myvi. then he said I not enough money.

Bcox what I went through when I was young, it makes me wanting to give better life to my child than I had bcox I love them more than myself. Just like I love him more than myself previously.

Thank god I doesnt cry anymore. No point crying for a man who Is selfish, don care n love me anymore. It on n off remind myself its his lost not mine. Why should I cry?

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OMFG

2011-11-08T23:55:00.001+08:00

Omfg..... Jus now I tried my formal shirts that I bought 4years ago which I din wear for years cox too tight... Its still tight. It shows that how much I been gained weight in the past few years. Now I slim down so much jus managed to button all and yet still looks tight....

sigh.... I just noticed last time I used to so slim before... But its a good thing cox it motivate me to work harder.... at least can looks nice in my formal shirt that I bought 4years ago. Hahahaha......

Slimming as if my full time target instead of acca.... Lolz. Focus so much on this. But if can continue vomit to make me slim few more kgs or inches I don mind. Lolz.

After slim down really have to do a lot exercise to maintain. Don wann getting fatter. Otherwise hardly fish gold turtle. Lolz... Slim down it just a pass to allow me fish gold turtle. Otherwise no need hope. Muahahhaa....

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A ques to myself

2011-11-08T15:20:00.001+08:00

I had a question to mysef again after lunch. Is it bcox I had bad point of view towards ryan that make him sounds so useless/ not responsible not reliable man? Or is it bcox I analyse n see it rationally?

I duno how to answer this ques. I asked kelly. Kelly told me he is just not the right type of man I want. If he don work n spend money that is call useless. He is just not well train by his family to give money to his parents n his parents don even say him. so wat can others say.... Im agreed with her.

He is just a person like free n easy life. There is a quote in chinese very suits him "today got liquor today drunk".

I asked myself again, if 1 day he chase me back can I accept him? I got an answer this time. If he true to.me... He changed, he put his family 1st instead of his interest/entertainment I will may choose him n don mind work with him for the family.

I had a weird feeling deep inside my heart which I dunno how to describe. Its not happy... Its not sad neither emo.

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Over

2011-11-08T08:56:00.001+08:00

Here the happy me shopping in ikea... *weeeeee*

I suddenly noticed that everything seems to be settled right now from the things happened for the past 2 months.

My mood finally back to normal. Vomiting seems reducing under medicine control. Appetite lesser, which is a good stuff. Lolz...

At least I see things differently after broke up and my grandma passed away. Without all this I wouldnt be grow, I wouldnt be tougher....

last nite I had a dream. Its kinda long dream. I just remember partly. About love and seperation. But I feel nth n the actress is not me. Lolz.

I noticed I asking lesser and lesser bout ryan's update in fb. Means slowly not interested to his updates anymore. But its still not the right time to be fren with him yet cox I don want to be unhappy after that. Rather to maintain this mood.

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Syok sendiri

2011-11-07T23:40:00.001+08:00

Just now while driving back home... I was listening to happy songs in the car which make me felt so happy n shaking there. Luckily not much cars around or else they sure sweating there. Lolz....

Just now was the 1st time I speed up to 130... Wow.... Its scary but feelings good. That is like pretty fast for a 8years old atos. But that make me felt to have a slightly better car so I can speed.

Next year when sis in law come kl I need to buy a new car. Now I cant live without car. So get used to it d.... Fly here fly there. That feeling so good.... So I need to finish my acca asap in order to get a nice car.

Time to sleep n dream of nice car tonite. Good nitezzzzz

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Bull shit

2011-11-07T18:02:00.001+08:00

Today was helping my sis in her hostel. She asked me is ryan give money to his parents? I said "no, cox his dad stil working". she said he is not responsible at all as a son.

She said his interest even more important than his family, next time don expect he will fully take care n responsible to his family as he doesnt train before.

She said its so bull shit that he telling everyone in fb he adopting a child in world vision but din give a.single cent to his family.

I started to think my sis words.... Its.kinda of true. He is actually afford to give his parents money. But he doesnt. Just like he treating me, he think to keep money but it never have chance to happen cox his interest is endless. He make a nice budget, but it never works.

He doesnt have determination to his future, he doesnt have responsibilities to his family even now at the age of 28. he like to enjoy his life free n easy. Even after broke up till now I can see he have so much activities and entertainment. By the time he clear his debts at the age of 30 I am wondering will he have saving. Wat if his dad retired wil he give his family....

what they said is so true. He always have the heart to think but with no action. Its not a reliable man to married cox he is selfish.

All this words it waking me up again. We r not only no common interest but he is not a responsible and reliable man.

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Happy happy

2011-11-07T14:47:00.001+08:00

Yipeeeeee..... Just now even my sis said my face so obvious slim down. A person that hardly said I slim down and always see me oso noticed I slim down. Muahahahaha......

The most happy things that lately happened is I slim down. Too bad my body still not much energy otherwise thought of go condo's gym and do cardio.

But I think better wait till the treatment extract my fats out only workout build the muscle and stamina. This morning I measured my hips max stil can slim down few more inches. That is my target.

Luckily cny coming soon. Jus 2 more months... Time to shop shop shop... Gonna be a pretty gal for this coming cny.... Wanna be hot chicks in the club.... Yeah babeeeeeeeeee!!!

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Active life

2011-11-07T10:06:00.001+08:00

Yesterday night thought of making myself active. Go for more exercise, build up my stamina... Body oso stronger and healthier. But not at this moment cox lately body very weak due to vomiting.

I try to build myself a hobby... At least life wont be so bored. probably go gym. But gym a bit sien as I only do cardio. Maybe wil go for badminton. Since tats the only sports I know. Wil go for gym build my stamina and strength in order to play better in badminton.

Some how its a way to slim down and strengthen my muscle after slim down.

Plus want to make my lifestyle more colourful n active. Better than always stay at home watch tv so sien. After being together with him for so long, jus watch tv together I noticed its really sien. I mean not towards me n him. To myself. No point doing stuff to change myself or get back him to a person oredi changed, no more heart and try to find a new gf.

This morning I woke up noticed that I slim down again. Probably bcox yday wasnt eat much again. My weight its as if dropping day by day. =)

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Dream again

2011-11-07T09:54:00.001+08:00

Last nite I dreamt of him again. The moment we were hugging together.and the feeling. When I woke up I still think of that feeling. I asked myself don think. We got no future. We got no happiness... Don look back...

This morning when I woke up I had strong feeling of vomiting again. I think thats the causes of vomiting cox cant let go. But its a good thing, vomiting make me slimmer and let go easier. Cox vomit till san fu I wil slowly don think.

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Emo

2011-11-06T23:55:00.001+08:00

The whole night I was kinda tired. Physically tired. Then started to be a bit emo. But I doesnt cry. In order not to make myself emo, I tried to find ppl go out. Don wanna stay at home alone which will make myself even more emo.

Just now was watsapp with lai yee. I told her that now unlike last time. No one will pampered me anymore like what he did. So I need to pampered and love myself more. I remember chloe posted 1 post in fb before. The woman love them self will looks attractive. I really like it. I noticed a woman happy will looks much prettier. Thats y I everyday try to make myself happy.

Today I finally understood why he told me he never think wat I wrote in my blog. Bcox when other ppl told me bout him, what he post or his current condition, I don really feel like want to know it. Not important anymore. I have plenty.chances to use other ppl fb acc view his profile. But I choosed not to see. No point seeing it anymore. Will I be together bak wit him if I see? Will I.be happier. In facts its not at all.

Finally I am very very clear how much mistakes I ever did after broke up which make him dislike me even faster and more. Finally I grow up.... The quotes "no pain no gain" is so true. when u gained it is worth to go through the pain.

There are peoples asked me if he chase u back wil u go back to him? I answered them we will never know the future. This moment definitely not. after 1 year mayb I wil think "why last time I.choosen him as my bf" if I found a better one. Or goes the same to him. Or we both pak toh and both oso noticed we r still the best so being together bak.

But one thing I really cannot accept he as the husband is that he likes to.enjoy life, he usually spent more than he have. no strong enough to achieve his target as in how many year time I need to achieve wat. Last time he did a nice budget in the end it doeant goes that way. This is the thing I keep remind myself in order to let go him. if he stil goes that way, I really wish him good luck.

I got feeling we wil stil able to b good fren provided he no gf cox every gal sure mind the bf b fren with the ex. I wil feel wasted to lost a good n helpful fren. He is not my ideal husband but is a ideal fren. Someone understand me well and will shoot me directly if im wrong.

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New life

2011-11-06T16:49:00.001+08:00

This morning went to true harmony for treatment. Right after the treatment I look into the mirror notice that my face sharper. Not as meaty as last time. Those ppl in slimming centre all said my face look smaller. Hahaha.... So happy.

I am waiting for the last day of treatment, then go change new hair style.... Buy new body fit clothes n nice make up. Cant wait to give "wow..." Feelings to ppl.

Yday meet up kelly again. She said I slim down again compared with tues.. Which only 4days diff. Lolz....

Yeah, finally my dreams of slimming down coming true after so many years. Really thanks to ryan. That is wat my sis n sis in law said as well. More effective than slimming centre. Hahahaha.....

I noticed I think of him lesser day by day. At least heart no longer "loh loh luin" that cant see his fb.

1 more month... I told myself, the day I change my new image, new life.... Everything gonna be fine. I will be recovered by the time. =)

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Not the right time

2011-11-05T18:35:00.001+08:00

Last nite my mood n mindset were very positive. Until i had a nitemate which make me kinda moody this morning.

I really wanna return each other stuff desperately as I don wish we still have any linkages. Until I contact him to get bak my laptop. I tot I able to face him as long as with the right mindset. In fact its not at all.

Today damn fucking no mood after contact him. Even worse than I no contact him. It seriously not the right time to contact n meet each other. I tot I decided to let go mindset can take it. Drink the honey whisky bcox don wanna havr any linkages. In fact I cant.

Kelly told me wait till I truely let go, the feeling of drinking it together will b even more great. So I decided not to drink it now. Wait another week to get my laptop cox I don wanna let myself b sad. I want avoid things to make myself sad.

Kelly is right. I should mention this.person anymore. Or else it will nvr end. Its as if keep remind n haunting me. So don think is the best.

I avoid myself seeing his fb which make me feel better. At least it reduces my vomiting and increase my appetite.

I am so happy that the slimming centre every1 said I slim down damn a lot. I really cant wait to see a brand new me.

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Positive thinking

2011-11-05T10:13:00.001+08:00

I started to think positively since yday morning till now in order to make myself feel happier. Look at the bright side instead of negative this is what he always taught me.

When I looks back... we don have common interest at all... Our interest seems to be opposite. He is not the type of guy that I want in terms of financial management and stability. I need hugs when im sad, he wont hugs me till I hugs him.

Its good to break now instead of dragging few more years. Where I am oredi 27-28years old its even harder for me get a new market. Or its better than after married then divorce.

Last time before pak toh I am a person with high requirement even to myself. What I want to achieve in how many years time. What kind of house I want to buy.

If I married with him, we only afford to buy low/medium cost hse which less than 300k. I ask myself this ques again, is this what I really want it?? The answer is "no". I don need a very luxury hse... But at least something like my currrent one.

I asked myself again, why I wit him so long? Bcox he is a man truely love me, doesnt cheat n betray me n gave me all his time which not many guys can do it. Joe told me, who knows I can find a guy who able to give me this 2 things. No comment. Depends on fate. I should think what good for my future to let go now. Rather than "ng seh dak" rite now n spoil my goals and have to suffer in future.

I gained experienced in this rship. I know whats I actually want. I know what type of man I need. I learned how to managed it. I learned how to appreciate ppl more.

The ending between me n ryan is set now. If we really have fate it will comes back. If not its not belong to me. I got no regret in this rship anymore. We sincerely love each other. Treating each other well... No betray and cheating. No uglies ending. Which oredi something very.good.

I really needs time now. I giving myself 1 more month to recover. Yday while watching in 1u I was thinking what if I see him? I told myself I will go to him and said "thanks for helping me so much". Cox he helped me something I couldnt even buy with money. He turns me from emo to happy person.

Last nite have a nitemare again. The.moment broke up with him which make me heartache. At the same time I dreaming of this person who making me happy. I been dreaming this person for 2days continuously. Confused feeling.

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New life

2011-11-04T17:42:00.002+08:00

This morning I realised my pants loosen again... yeah... slim down again....

Today right after lunch I was thinking build up new image for myself... lolz....

Wait til the day I finish all my treatments.... I slim down a lot... Then can buy new clothes... Body fit type... then wanna change a very very fresh hair style... with good make up and colour contact lense... something I never try before this. Wowwwww.... Cant wait for this day to come....

Things that I need to do now everyday is making myself happy.... Think how to pan leng leng... where to enjoy...

Today I have good appetite.... Finish up the whole pan mee... Usually I cant finish it... and 4.30pm I felt hungry and finish up my tuna sandwich that I left over this morning.

After this sat, which is tomoro.... I terminated the line or giving back to him and get back my laptop me and him totally no more linkages.... In future whether we can be fren or not no one knows... by the time only decide.

Deleted his fb, no eye seeing it.... It makes me really soooooooo much better..... phew....

Finally, the true feeling of set him free and set me free.... at least I wont be so san fu.... still holding it. Deep inside my heart sad of cox I had it... But keep it, don see it... don feel it... avoid it... sooner or later it will faded away.

?

2011-11-04T09:52:00.001+08:00

This morning I woke up I checked my fb as usual. But today its different as I couldnt see any of his update anymore. Im feeling sad cant see his update but I think partly is bcox a habit. But I noticed it makes me a bit diff today as in I wont think so much and feel sad.

Phew....

Yday stacy send me a message in fb very true. I lost a man who doesnt love and care me. But he lost a woman who truely care and love him.

This story make me awake and felt better. I shouldnt be sad for someone I lost who don love n care bout me anymore. Is his lost.

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Appreciate

2011-11-03T21:23:00.001+08:00

Im glad that he broke up with me since he doesnt know how to appreciate me rather than he keep.on dragging the relationship.

Most of the gals will keep on reminding themselve that "the man treating me very good, I will appreciate him" which make them love the man more. Im one of the very very good sample. Thats y the moment lai yee asked me find a better guy I rejected her. Thats y the moment he cant buy a hse together and get married I said I don mind. bcox I appreciate him since the starting of the rship.

For him, if he appreciate what I have done to him so far.... In his heart will have the thinking "this gal treating me so well, sacrified for me so much, nvr leave me when I don even have a car, nvr leave me when im in bad time, treating and respecting my parents, tried to close up with them instead avoiding them" then he will love me more. That feeling wouldnt be faded at the first place.

Well, all this is no longer important anymore as he don even think or bother what I said n felt. And its stupid for me be sad and suffer while he kao-ing gal happily there. He wont have feeling... In fact he may hate me bcox that makes everyone think he is a jerk. Thats the reason he hate me if I continue sad n holding hard.

Thats y I said im wishing the gal best of luck being together with a man she need to suffer with him n yet he wont appreciate. I think that gal mayb lucky as his most down time is after the accident. Cares, money, support.... He is a man makes me felt we can go through all bad time together, but happy time he wont go through wit me.

Woman always very stupid. They thought they can change the man, in fact they cant. Once a man changed, he wont looks back. He wil never change. you will ends up like a fool.

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Truely let go

2011-11-03T19:13:00.001+08:00

Finally I deleted him in fb. This time I truely deleted everything. No longer giving myself a single chance to see it.

It is very suffering and torturing seeing him post those thing and chasing another gal if he is. I think this is the ending what he wants me to do since the day he decided to purely letting go.

I deleted him I felt sad.... But makes no different in seeing his fb wil make me feel happier. but without seeing him at least I wont feel suffering he living so well where else I almost fainted in office and down here.

I told myself I wil stand up, as joe said set a day... Next year that day see who live better. Don judge it now, wait till the day comes.

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Feeling (2)

2011-11-03T17:01:00.001+08:00

I am 80% sure that he is chasing new gal. But I told myself "so....."

He is single now... He has the right to chase anyone. He is letting go me d.... even if he pak toh doesnt mean he is wrong to the gal.

Facts is something I need to accept. In fact accepted.

letting go is the time that I need.

Pain is what I will go through.

Experienced is what I have gained.

But what I really couldnt understand is how can he so fast accepting a new rship in such a short time???

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Feeling

2011-11-03T14:46:00.001+08:00

This morning felt so no energy in office till my AM asked me go hospital for dripping since I can even drink.... Luckily lunch time managed to eat n make me felt better.

Me n kelly having same feeling ryan kao-ing gal out there. If yes, then he better go ahead. At least he let me see the true him. what I can say is wishing the gal good luck. No wonder he was asking me when can he pak toh and said maybe when I asked him the ques if he found a gal.he like n the gal like him will they pak toh.

I will be happy for myself that I can let go this guy without thinking much anymore. at the same time I will go through this pain.

I knew I will be suffer but I can go through this. It is not worth bcox of a man who don love me and with another gal happy out there and I stil holding so hard, heartache, cried n keep on vomiting.

He may be happy than me right now while im suffering. I am wondering after a year how it could be. I believe in karma.

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WTF

2011-11-03T11:04:00.001+08:00

wtf.... This whole morning keep on.vomiting. Eating bread n milo vomited everything. Ate medicine vomit medicine.... Even drink water also vomit water.

Luckily jus did my full body check up. Best thing is paid by company. Meanwhile have to eat medicine for few days.

Now starting feeling so no energy and dizzy. Hopefully I don faint.

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Marketing's theory

2011-11-03T08:59:00.001+08:00

This morning I suddenly a lesson has goes into my mind. I am wondering that is he changed due driving nice car... Increased his confident level and attracted to more gals as in looking good with a.nicer car. I am very sure I think of this is not finding the causes of our problem. It just a lesson of life that I wanna capture.

It just like a marketing's theory. If a nicer packaging (driving nicer car) of cox it wil enhance the market value and confident level compared with driving a viva/kancil/atos. Just like joe said, if u r confident yr self that have high market value u wont b worried to resign yr current job. otherwise most of the real rich man they wouldnt have so many wives.

I seriously do not believe his confident level doesnt increased when driving nicer car. It goes the same to a gal, dress up nicely (packaging) in order to attract the opposite sex to get a higher demand from the market. So its very normal. It just the person how he/she think/control the mentality.

I am not 100% whether he is this kind of person plus its not my business anymore. No one knows, he may not aware of this oso if he does. Only god knows. If this is true, im glad im get out from this.

My mirror's reflection told me that I am lucky I get away from him bcox of his financial management n endless hobbies, the spending on his hobbies. Mirror's reflection acted as if my rationale and me is the feeling. I am no longer and SHOULD NOT listen to my feelings anymore. Every words he told me that nite still whispering in my ears.

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?

2011-11-03T08:11:00.001+08:00

An hour more im going to have blood testing. scary~!!! Hope that wont faint.

This morning when I woke up vomiting again. Bcox of im not eat or drink anything, thats y I only vomited plain water which taste very sour out.

I am so happy that my stomach slimming down by half inch in a week time. More effective than my treatment. I can direct taking off my jeans short pants without taking out the button. I myself can see its very obvious that my tight n tummy has been slimming down so much.... And my face as well. Even though my face looks pale, as usual.... But make up can cover everything.

After 2 months I think I really need to shop for clothes d if it keep up in such a way.

Targeting to slim down 5kgs n above from sept measurement. *ngek ngek ngek*

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?

2011-11-02T20:39:00.001+08:00

Argh.... The afternoon dim sum still make me don feel like eating. Just now 6.30pm ate 2 pcs n makes me felt so full no appetite eat. Luckily before leave office took 2tablets winds medicine, but stomach stil don feel well. I think no dim sum for a month. But my colleague bought another voucher for that dim sum d.... @.@"

Just now in the train suddenly think of the moment with him. once I think bout it, it will make me feel like vomiting. Its a very good psychological way to make me let go him. its a bit suffering n not healthy but I had great return. Luckily the doctor told me the medicine wont harm my body as long as follow the dose.

I on and off reminding myself every single word he told me last sun nite on the phone in order to stop myself. I keep on turning myself as if the one in the mirror, look at myself n telling me the point of view of our rship. We shouldnt be together and the reasons. It works...

i think the day I fully letting go him will be fast. yday a gal act as if his "hidden gf" it doesnt make me crazy n ask him once I see it. It doesnt really make me that heartache as I.thought it will be. But im really curious why all this doesnt happen.when we pak toh. Once broke up he had the fake fb acc incident n the suspicious gal who wrote all that which it wont bring her any advantages.

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S.T.O.P

2011-11-02T17:18:00.001+08:00

My mind suddenly think of those words he told me last time, his promises.... our plan to our house... Where to buy... Location... The funding for the houses this n that.

I immediately stop myself to think. But luckily that doesnt make me unhappy or looking back.,

Sometimes when I look at my rship... It makes me think of kelly n ken lai,(her ex). Im in ken lai position and ryan as kelly. Thats y kelly understood his position very well n.lets me know well.

He could let go so fast bcox he don love me earlier on. It just a habit being together that he cant let go. he care me bcox somehow we being together so long but that doesnt mean anything. Just like fren. Just like how he care fiona. Accompany her see doctor.

I feel wasted we ended our rship. For him he feel wasted if we cant even be fren.

I had a strong feeling in future we will b like kelly n ken lai... As fren n impossible being together. however, a lot things beyond out expectations. That doesnt mean im putting hope.

all the while I thought he is the guy will b there waiting for me to married him cox he felt I suits him. In the end the ending was another way round. Hahaha.... Don ever judge something too early till u see the ending.

I looks thing differently after seeing my grandma passed away... Going through another important lesson in life that makes my thinking different. what is has gone its gone. Just like my grandma.

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